Losing Faith

𝟒𝟎

Theodore could feel with every fiber of his soul and body that she was really not herself. It was evident in the state of her parents, who tried to squeeze out a smile of duty, escorting him to her room, it was audible by the way her quiet voice came from behind the closed door, from the place where she was absolutely alone, and it was felt, he could not say exactly how, but all the walls seemed to be soaked with something dark and scary — most likely it was madness.

He took slow steps along the dark corridor, running his hand along the cold smooth wall, and the silence was so deafening and oppressive that her quiet voice seemed even crazier, and instilled even more anxiety.

"You lived in my head, and I loved you unjustifiedly, desperately..."

He could make out the words that sounded like a song that she sang softly, a little hoarsely. His hand reached for the door handle, and after hesitating for only a second, he slowly opened the door, immediately finding himself enveloped in an invisible haze of grief and madness.

Nicole was sitting on her bed, her legs bent in half, her head resting on her own lap. Her red hair was scattered over her bony shoulders like tangled copper wires, her hunched figure slowly swayed back and forth.

Her eyes expressed absolutely nothing, they were empty, they seemed to be looking at nothing, and they did not even flicker in the direction of Theodore when he entered.

"You lived in my head, and I killed you unconsciously, unintentionally..."

She continued to hum softly, but her lips hardly moved.

It was a deplorable sight, Theodore thought as he slowly approached her. He had certain intentions about the girl, it was the last unfinished thing in his own plan, but seeing what state Nicole was in, he thought that maybe it wasn't worth turning his idea into reality. These events of the last few weeks probably hit her harder than everyone else. And maybe she needed help and not what Theodore had prepared for her.

"You lived in my head, and I—"

"Nicole?" Theodore called her softly, carefully sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her. She immediately fell silent, continuing to stare at the wall opposite her for several seconds. Then she slowly raised her head from her knees and looked at him with a slight surprise, as if she had really just noticed him.

"Theodore..." She exhaled, smiling faintly at him. It was as if life... common sense, had appeared in her eyes. It was like what she was doing a few seconds earlier, the state in which she was quietly humming a strange song to herself — as if it was all just a trance, from which she easily emerged when she saw a familiar face.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a slight frown. Her fingers, without a single hitch, reached for her hair, slowly untangling what looked more like a nest.

"I came to check on you, Nicole. How are you?" Theodore watched as she carefully, diligently ran her thin fingers through the copper mop, as she bit her lip for a second when she could not untangle the knot, as her legs straightened, revealing to him a view of pale skin, through which pale blue webs of veins could be seen.

Despite the fact that it was the middle of December outside, and it was noticeably cold in her room, she was wearing short black shorts and a dark red top, that revealed a view of sharp shoulders and thin arms, which ran goosebumps.

"I don't know," She said in a barely audible voice, after a few seconds of silence. "I think I'm not feeling very well. I think I feel even worse than I did at Hogwarts. It's still hard for me to believe that she's gone, and even more so that I witnessed how he... killed her. It's all so terrible that I can hardly sleep. I'm afraid, I don't know why, but I'm afraid not to wake up."