Losing Faith

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Nicole felt how heavy her head was, how her ears were still buzzing from the screams of Malfoy and Nott, who, in Nicole's opinion, were talking some nonsense.

She felt like it was all a bad joke, her imagination sending auditory hallucinations, but not the truth.

She couldn't believe that Draco, who doted on Faith, could cheat on her with her friend, Nicole couldn't believe that Faith continued to be with him, trampling on her pride, and Nicole couldn't believe that her best friend, whom she considered her sister, could kiss a man with whom Nicole had been in love for so many years.

It seemed unreal, and now Nicole was taking heavy steps with wobbly legs, to see it, to read it, trying not to fall because of weakness and dizziness — recent events had erased all of Nicole's desire to eat properly, drink properly, live properly.
With Faith's disappearance, it was as if a part of her life had disappeared, and now Nicole saw everything faded, almost black and white.

She finally reached the cherished door and carefully opened it, peering inside, as if she was afraid of disturbing someone, when in fact, no one was waiting for her there, except for a peach book lying on Draco's rumpled bed — Faith's diary, which would help Nicole dispel the toxic smoke in her head and clear her mind.

In the next second, her dark eyes saw nothing but the diary, her legs carried her to the bed, not allowing her to close the door behind her, and now her pale hand with the bright translucent greenish-blue lines of veins was reaching for the collection of secrets and thoughts of her missing friend.

And Nicole, without hesitating, plunged right there, into Faith's head, without using magic, and then chuckled to herself at the realization that, for the first time, she could read her like an open book, now in the literal sense.

Her eyes ran over the lines, absorbing every word, every letter written by Faith in fits of anger, sadness, despair or boundless happiness; her fingers flipped through page after page, almost without obeying her, and with every second Nicole's breathing became heavier and heavier — she realized that she did not know her best friend at all.

"I'm not enough..."

"...Professor Anderson was able to support me..."

"He has a wife..."

"I love you as much as I hate you..."

"...you are an asshole..."

"...I wasn't thinking of you when Theodore and I kissed..."

"...I found out Nicole is—"

"Nicole." A firm voice rang sharply in her head, causing her to flinch in fright and slam the diary shut. Her eyes were wide from the words she had read, but they widened even more when her gaze met Draco and Theodore, standing in front of her, with a whole bunch of emotions on their faces.

The girl slowly stood up, darting her eyes between the guys' faces, she still had the diary in her hands, which she tightly squeezed with her fingers to such an extent that there might have been traces of her nails left there.

She saw Theodore looking at her with such an expression on his face, as if he was ready for this diary to fly into his face; she saw Draco looking at her expectantly, his light gray eyes now seemed almost black, there were abrasions and bruises on his skin, just like Nott's.

"Why—" Nicole croaked almost inaudibly, her eyes slammed shut for a few seconds, "Why didn't you tell me you found it?" She raised the hand that was holding Faith's thing to the level of her eyes, casting a second glance at the pale pink cover, behind which so much was hidden.

"We agreed on this, Malfoy, have you forgotten? You promised you'd let me know if you found it!" Her voice rose an octave higher now, spilling out the anger that lurked inside her; she threw the diary back onto the bed with force, causing it to jump away from the soft surface and fall to the floor.

"We had a deal, and now I find out that you decided to keep it for yourself?"

"I found this a few minutes ago, Nicole, calm down. I just quickly flipped through it and saw all these things, and I..."

He shut himself up, not knowing what to say next. He felt that he did not have the strength and desire to justify himself or explain something, he was tired both inside and out, and passing his hand over his face, he took a deep breath, wishing only that everyone would leave him alone.

"A few minutes ago, you say?" Nicole mumbled, pretending to think, her finger resting on her chin, "This would be enough time to change something, correct or maybe tear out the pages..."

"What?" Malfoy asked in disbelief, frowning.

"What? Maybe there was something else that you didn't like and you could do something about it, enchant the pages or something else, I don't know. Because, you know..." She folded her arms across her chest, smiling faintly, but this facade quickly collapsed — her face again acquired an expression of rage at Draco's actions and what she read in the diary.

"Because I don't know any other reason why you kept this diary for yourself, without even considering it necessary to tell me that you found it! And where the hell did you find it anyway? Why do you always find something, as if at the click of your fucking fingers?"

"I already told you I found it a few minutes ago in the forbidden forest! One of the centaurs pulled it out of the hollow. And what the fuck are you even talking about? Are you out of your mind?" Draco hissed, taking a step closer to the girl.

"What do you mean, I did something with it?"

"I don't know, Draco! I don't know anything anymore! I lived with Faith under the same roof, slept a couple of meters away from her for so long, and I didn't even know the slightest part of what was happening in her life!" Nicole shouted again, feeling that she really was out of her mind, as if all common sense was floating away from her, and a couple of lines from Faith's diary were to blame for this.

"Is it even true? You two believe that? Do you believe what is written here?"

"Why would she write a lie?" Theodore spoke for the first time since he entered the room; his voice was calm, unlike his friends'.

"If she wrote that we kissed, then I can say it's true. So why would she lie about the rest?" He asked, and pursed his lips, noticing how Draco's jaw tightened again.

There were still traces of their recent altercation on their faces, and Theo knew that if he said another word about the kiss, they could well beat each other to death.

"It all looks fucking unreal. How—"

"Guys," Pansy's airy voice interrupted Nicole in mid-sentence as she stormed in the room, "Faith's parents are here."