Love Chromosomes

XXIII. The Rain Have To Stop

Mark Masahiro

I don't know what the person beside me was thinking right now as he clenches his hands tightly into a fist. He was making a face I cannot understand. It's halfway between anger and a hint of comprehension.

I used to think that reading P Vee's thoughts thru his actions was always that easy. So why can't I read him now? Maybe because my eyes are starting to go cloudy from exhaustion and sleepiness. I injected a strong pain reliever to my own veins before I went out to meet P Vee earlier. I wouldn't be able to walk straight if I wasn't able to do that. I have been fighting with the side effects for hours now.

I waited for him in that café for hours before I decided to go to his unit instead. I understand if he decided not to show up. I understand if he hated me that much. But I need to put closure to this whole fiasco we have somehow. I wanted to talk not because I'm aiming to win him back. It would be a cold day in hell before that happened. I wanted to talk because I just want him to hear my side of story. It's up to him whether he believes me or not. The important thing is I explained myself. That I did not mean to hurt him in the first place. That the love I made him feel was never a lie.

I wanted everything to end with P Vee as soon as possible. I should have done this that first day we met. This whole trouble between us was way long overdue.

"P? I know this would sound selfish but can I ask a favor from you P?" My selfishness knows no limit but I need to try at least.

"What?" He simply answered without looking at me.

"Please let me off the hook P. And I selfishly ask for you to keep this secret of mine for a little longer. No I am not asking, I am begging you P." If I have to kneel down to him, I would do it. I need it desperately to protect the secret from my mom.

"..." He did not reply but instead looked at me with his furrowed eyebrows. He still looks so handsome even he was all angry like this.

"For the sake of my mom P. She doesn't have enough time left to her. Her condition is so frail that she won't be able to take such news like my niisama dying. So I beg you P. I would do anything in return." There is no possible way to make the death of niisama sound a little harsher to my mom. I can't imagine how she would react if she hears it. I won't be able to stand seeing her heart break.

"What about you? Will she not ask for you? What if she ask for the two of you to appear by her side soon? What will you do?" I like that P Vee was able to asked me this kind of questions. It means that he's paying attention to my problem.

"It's ok P. Mom will not look for me. At least she never did in the past." I told him.

"What do you mean?" He shifted slightly interested with what I'm gonna say. I gave him a weak smile thinking it's worth to try and tell him that aspect of my life.

I told him about the relationship I used to have with my mom and dad after they had divorced. P Vee listened like he was in sympathy with me. The expression he had after I retold my story was unfathomable. I don't know if he was still thinking that I'm lying.

"That's just...uhmmm.." He stuttered.

"Sad? Nah. I get so used to it." I assured him trying to smile. I really get used of mom's unaffectionate treatment towards me all these years.

"..."

"It's not that I enjoy being my niisama infront of my mom now, but I just like the feeling of being love once again by my own mother. And I would like to do my part as a son to her that I wasn't able to do when we were apart." I feel so comfortable talking right now. Maybe I should have done this earlier then maybe I have avoided hurting myself and P Vee.