One Thousand Words of Pride

Gay Mer Girl

"Do we have any Oreos?"

I step into the living room and almost roll my eyes, because of course that's the first thing she'd ask when seeing me. There's an oversized fish tail with turquoise scales slumped over the side of my armchair, and it's all I see of her for now. She pushes herself up to glance at me over the backrest. Luckily, she's wearing a sweater this time.

Her name is Aurora for some reason. Go figure.

"Well?"

"No."

I march over to the window to pull up the blinds, to which she responds with an annoyed grunt. The sunlight falls onto my TV, which is currently running some kind of third-person RPG. The camera is very much focused on the heroine's, well, rear.

I quickly look away.

"Did you take your bath, like we agreed to?" I ask. The eight-foot tall mermaid glares at me.

"I couldn't make it to the tub. And I'd be all sweaty by the time I'd get back here, anyway. So what's the point?"

"You told me you were gonna try."

"Oh, I tried alright," she says, tapping a button on the controller to exit the game's menu.

I cross my arms as she keeps playing. That hair of hers supposedly looks elegant under water, but it has lost some of its appeal lately. Not taking a shower in over a week will do that to you. She doesn't need those, living in the sea like she usually does, so I couldn't really convince her of the necessity. Also, she's reluctant to go anywhere near a bottle of shampoo because the stuff apparently "smells weird." She's one to talk.

That's a whole week since the last time I had any dates over. They'd want to know about her immediately coming here, and I can't really blame them. If I'm not bi, then why is there some chick chilling on my couch? Why is her bottom half a fish? Those are valid questions, of course.

The answer is, she's apparently hiding from her ex, some other mermaid named Proxima. Again, figures. I didn't want to get involved in all this, but she pretty much crawled out of the sea with no-one else to turn to. Someone had to play the good Samaritan, right? Besides, a roommate sounded fun at the time.

I repeatedly caught myself looking out my window to the ocean across the road, on the off-chance I'd spot some of her friends or relatives stalking me. Or her. From what I hear, Proxima didn't get over the breakup very well and is now "making things complicated."

"Hey, Aurora?"

"What?" she grunts.

"Is your ex still making things complicated?"

"Huh? Oh, uh...sure," she says with a brief glance in my direction, quickly focusing on her game again. "Like you wouldn't believe."

I narrow my eyes. One whole week.

One week during which she discovered the wonders of video games, and the possibility of purchasing those online once her gullible roommate forgot his credit card on the living room table while heading out to work.

Could've been worse though. She only spent like, six-hundred dollars.

"So, uh...any plans on how to handle that...situation?" I ask, sitting down on the couch next to her. She doesn't even look in my direction. Some boss showed up to fight her on-screen and she charges him with nothing but a spoon. It goes as well as I expect.

"Argh! Not again!"

"So, about my question..."

"What question?"

"How are you going to handle that thing?"

"That thing?"

"With Proxima."

"Don't say that name," she quietly replies, her face falling. "And no, I'm still working on that."

"I'm just saying..."

"Saying what?"

She puts down the controller, scowling at me. Clearly, she's no longer interested in the game.

"Maybe you should head back out there and tackle the issue head-on," I say. "It's better than just running away from it."

"I see what you're doing," she cuts me off. "You just want me to leave and play all these games yourself. Don't you?"

"Now, I didn't say that." I hold up my hands defensively. She sighs.

"The truth is, I don't know if I even wanna go back."

My shoulders sag.

"I mean..." she mumbles. "I've never been so relaxed before. This life of yours is so great, do you even know what it's like to be a gay fish?"

"Leave out that last word, and it's a yes," I say. "Otherwise, you've lost me." I think about adding something about how I don't even listen to rap music, but then I don't. She wouldn't get it anyway.

"It's just so f...reaking hard!" she exclaims. "You swim around all day, pick up some chicks, and for what? Do you have any idea how lesbian fish fornicate?"

"Uh..."

I can feel myself grow pale. She probably can't even see it. He vision isn't the greatest outside water. I keep catching her trying to steal my contact lenses all the time.

"Usually the female lays the eggs, then the male fertilizes them, right?" she explains. I have no idea what to say to that. "Then what about two females? There's no such thing as a guide on healthy lesbian fish sexuality. Our gender professors haven't gotten there yet, because their research papers keep getting wet. See? Plus Proxima's a vegan, so we couldn't even cook up the eggs, or...whatever."

I sigh, sinking back into the cushions. She shrugs and goes back to gaming.

"We really need to work on social cues, you know."

"Pfft, social cue this," she says, left-hooking some guy with a mask. "Besides, I can't take these games with me. Water would fry this apparatus of yours in a second. So why go back? This is more fun."

"Cool," I mumble. "How are you gonna pay your share of the rent?"

"I'll figure something out."

"Of course you will," I say, getting up.

"Where are you going?" she asks, still not looking.

"The kitchen."

"Bring Oreos."

"I just told you, we don't have any."

"That's your problem."

While I leave the room shaking my head, my phone makes a clicking sound. Some guy wanting to know what's taking me so long to respond. I totally forgot about him.

Can't host right now, sry, I text him back. Got a fish problem, u know how it is during hurricane season. Your place at nine?