One Thousand Words of Pride

Escaping Minneapolis in the Cold

The room I'm in could be anywhere in Minnesota or Wisconsin, maybe even Iowa. It didn't matter what direction I took last night, I just had to get out of the twin cities. Now that it's morning, there's at least six or seven more inches of snow compared to when I went to sleep.

I keep hoping Ethan will show up. I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do if he doesn't.

My face feels greasy from last night's dried-up tears, so I go to the small bathroom and splash some cold water on it. When I look up into the mirror, the young man staring back at me has dark circles under his eyes. He's not much more than a boy, I see that now.

As yesterday's memories come flooding back, they feel like a bad dream at first. One I woke up from, but that's not true. I didn't dream anything tonight. Nothing I remember, anyway. So everything stuck in my head is very much real. And the realization hits me again. I can't go home. I'm as lost as lost can be.

Life was okay, I guess, before Ethan. Before, well, sometime last August.

I didn't always feel comfortable with myself, sure. Probably just because of my dad breathing down my neck. He wanted me to join the marines when I finished school next summer. He did the same after graduating, and he eventually went to fight in Desert Storm. According to him, that's how he became a man. Naturally, he'd want his son to go through that as well.

I made friends with Ethan who joined our school for senior year, and things changed. He wasn't like me at all. Ethan was a rebel who listened to loud music and all that, but my dad would've probably gotten along with him if that was all there was to it. He'd always brag about how his unit allegedly first introduced Guns n' Roses to Kuwait. I only had to listen to his old records a million times, anyway.

But Ethan liked boys, and there was the catch. Because if I was to ever live my dad's American dream, starting and protecting my own family was absolutely vital. I had to be strong for them, not some sissy, as he liked to call them.

I disregarded his advice. I rarely ever do, but this time I did. Me and Ethan had our first kiss two months ago, and everything went out of the window with it. I knew what I wanted, all of a sudden. I hoped I could make my dad see that.

Telling him wasn't easy. I had to build up more courage than I even knew I had, and I hadn't gathered it all until last night. That was going to be a moment of liberation for me. When I could finally go on to live life my way, and maybe even enjoy it.

Well, here I am now, stuck in some sleazy motel, and I can't even say in what state. Ethan drove me here last night with his parents' car. I was to distraught thinking about my dad to even pay attention where we were going.

I don't think he actually wanted to kill me. He wouldn't do that, not to his own son. But he seemed dangerously close last night, and it scares me more than I'd like to admit. Ethan drove me somewhere far away apparently, somewhere my dad won't find me.

And if I'm still in danger?

I can feel the tears coming on again. Strolling back to the queen-sized bed, I collapse onto the mattress, my face buried in my palms.

There's nothing worse than waiting for someone to come for me. If no-one will, I don't know what I'll do. I'm hoping I can stay here for at least a few more days. It's way too cold to not stay inside overnight. I don't know how many nights Ethan paid the motel people for.

As I'm slumped over the side of the bed, there's a knock on the door. Then another. I'm sitting upright immediately, clearing my head. Could this be my dad, I wonder. There's a big lump I have to swallow before getting up on my feet and facing the door. When I push down the handle and open up, I know I'll have to accept my fate one way or another.

Still, a wave of relieve floods through me as I see Ethan standing there in the frame. He's wearing the same coat and pants as last night, and his tired expression makes me wonder whether he slept at all. He steps inside and greets me with a long, tight hug.

It's just what I needed. The hug fills me with a kind of warmth I desperately needed, despite the cold clinging to his clothes, and the chilling gusts of air blowing in from behind him. He closes the door after we break apart and smiles. I try to return it, but it probably looks forced.

"I've talked to my mom," he says. "I told her about you, and, well, about us. She says it's okay if you stay with us for a bit. Whatever that means."

The immense news and their gravity don't immediately hit me, as I can see he's still holding back. There's something making him nervous or uncomfortable.

"That's great. Is there..." I clear my throat. "...is there anything else?"

"Uh, no, well..." he stutters, avoiding my looks. "She said she doesn't want too much, um, fooling around while you're there. She made me promise to keep it down a bit with that."

He's staring at the floor, and I can see his face is becoming flushed. The awkward giggle escaping me draws an irritated look from him.

"I guess it'll be okay," I tell him.

When we step outside, his car is parked only a short distance away. I return the key to the reception desk and get in with him.

"Where are we, anyway?" I ask, as he starts up the engine.

"Huh? Oh, someplace in Wisconsin, little beyond Eau Claire," he mumbles. "You're lucky I found you again after driving back to my mom's last night."

I shake my head.

"You really didn't sleep at all, did you?"

"I'll definitely need some sleep when we get home, if that's what you mean."

Home. Judging from his drawn-out yawn, he probably didn't think much by using that word. Still, it keeps sounding in my head as he pulls out of the parking lot and back onto the road. There's a Guns n' Roses song playing on the radio, and I quickly change the station.