One Thousand Words of Pride

Consider This a Big Misunderstanding

Unusually cold winds started picking up, just a half-hour after sundown. They blew through the streets, tearing on the lose edges of some old election posters plastered on a nearby brick wall. Most were advertising the Pirate Party, demanding vigilance and asking the central question regarding surveillance cameras. Do you feel safe now?

The lone figure striding down the sidewalk on Vinohradská street didn't feel safe at all, but he paid the posters no mind. These last few days left him more vulnerable than ever, or so he meant to see it. Although his pains didn't stem from politics at all. They were a much more personal matter.

Stopping at the entrance to a multi-story building, Tomáš rang one of the many bells and pulled down the scarf protecting the lower half of his face. It revealed what looked like grim determination, an expression that only meant to hide the fear he felt coming here. It grew ever stronger, as he gathered his courage to potentially answer the voice, his voice, in this very moment. But he didn't have to. The door's lock clicked open, and he entered the hallway without having to say a word. Patryk was expecting him, of course.

The walk upstairs was the same as always. Two stories up, then the first door on his right. The man he considered to be his loving boyfriend until only hours ago was standing in the frame, ready to receive him in a warm embrace. One that Tomáš stopped short of, if only just so. He could feel his throat tighten as he did.

"Are you okay?"

There was a trace of genuine concern in Patryk's voice. Or maybe he really was that good an actor. Working in theater for so many years could do that to a person. Tomáš brooded on kissing him for a moment, but in the end he bluntly pushed past him and left it at that.

As the door clicked shut behind them, Tomáš hesitantly took off his scarf, not yet certain just how long he'd even stay in this apartment. Of course, he hadn't wanted to make a scene out in the hall, so maybe coming in here wasn't such a bad idea.

"What, you're afraid of a little kiss now?" Patryk asked him, teasingly. "You know the neighbors don't mind us."

"It's...not that," Tomáš replied, sweat breaking out all over him.

"But something's wrong."

"Something's wrong, alright."

He said it through clenched teeth, making his anger visible for the first time in the hope of eliciting some reaction from Patryk. His boyfriend only tilted his head, feigning confusion.

"You have to be a little more specific than that. What's the problem?"

"You're one to ask," Tomáš hissed. "You're the problem. You really thought I wouldn't notice?"

"Notice what?" Patryk desperately said with a shrug. "Babe, you're not making sense."

Tomáš knew he'd be making sense in a moment, of course. There was a photo on his phone, someone anonymously sent him this afternoon, and it had shattered his world for good. He could only hope Patryk would at least have the common courtesy to admit to his wrongdoing by making out with whoever that other man was. He unlocked his phone, singled out the photo, and shoved it in his face.

"What about this? Does this make sense?"

Patryk stared at the photo, then back at him for a moment.

"Uh, yes. That was a few months ago. We didn't know each other then."

"I don't know that place at all," Tomáš kept pressing. "Is this your home? In Białystok?"

"This is my home now. Look, I haven't lived in Białystok since I was a kid. And I've never even once gone back to Poland after coming out, you know all that." Patryk scoffed, stopping for a moment. "Of course there's been others before you. Is this how little you trust me?"

Tomáš looked to the ground.

"There haven't been others before you."

"Well, god forbid I live my own life!" Patryk blurted out, before lowering his voice. "And keep it down. You know my parents don't like you."

"Yes, yes," Tomáš mused, unconvinced. "I...don't know what to think."

"You'll figure it out."

"Have you..." he stopped for a moment. "...have you told them about us?"

"I don't know, do I still need to, after this?"

"Come on, don't talk like that..."

"No, you're the one who started all this," Patryk retorted, suddenly on the offense. "You're the best thing that's happened to me ever since coming to Prague, I told you that. And I can't wait to move out of here and into my own place, so we can finally be with each other for real. And all the time. You really think I'd want to give all that up? Seriously? You think that of me?"

"I don't, I..."

"Apparently you do."

Tomáš felt his shoulders sag. This hadn't gone like he envisioned at all. His anger had long since evaporated, leaving behind a lingering sense of shame that felt even worse, in a way.

"Come on," Patryk mumbled, patting him on the back. "Take off that coat and let's get you warmed up. It's freezing outside."

"Yes," Tomáš said with a nervous laugh. "Yes, it really is."

He stopped short when Patryk laid a hand on his shoulder, giving him a stern look he would have very much liked to melt away from.

"I don't want to hear this nonsense anymore, okay?"

"You won't," Tomáš quickly replied. "This was a stupid mistake. I should've known better."

"Yes, you should. Let's leave it at that."

Patryk turned away and padded off towards the kitchen. Tomáš felt devastated watching him go, not feeling any warmth at all. He could only hope a cup of cocoa would change that.