My story

Chapter; 15

Have you have had that song that matches that exact moment. That exact way you felt. You didn’t need to talk, because it spoke for you? All you wanted to do was to replay that song over and over again, because it seems like the only thing that understands you?

‘You hid your skeletons when I had shown you mine

You woke the devil that I thought you'd left behind

I saw the evidence, the crimson soaking through

Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose'

I sang in my head, as my eyes watered.

‘And you held it all. but you were careless to let it fall

You held it all, and I was by your side

Powerless’

A tear rolled down my cheek

‘I watched you fall apart and chased you to the end

I'm left with emptiness that words can not defend

You'll never know what I became because of you

Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose'

It seems like this is just the right song for this situation

‘And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall

You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless

And you held it all, but you were careless to let it fall

You held it all, and I was by your side, powerless

Powerless.

Powerless’

It’s been 3 days since mums suicide. It’s been 3 days since I ate something of substance .It’s been 3 days since I’ve been able to have a proper conversation. 3 days of not smiling. It’s been 3 days of guilt, sorrow and hate.

Why wasn’t I there for her?

The door creaked open and a crack of light hit my pale worn out face. I saw Reece’s hair fall into my vision before he actually did. He was still in his school uniform and he looked tired and sore. ‘Hey’ he whispered from the door ‘can I come in?’ He said looking around with only his head in my room and the rest of his body behind the door.

I smiled ‘Yeah’ I pretty much whispered, my voice was so low. My skin was so pale. My body was so fragile.

Reece slowly walked into the room, avoiding any tissues that had been used, any bucks of spew from crying so much.‘You need to eat Amber’ Reece said while holding out a plate of fish and chips ‘At least 3 chips?’ Reece said while clearing the end of bed from tissues and slowly sitting next to me.

I shook my head at the sight of food. I wasn’t hungry, I lost all appetite. ‘Sorry’ I said, while I put my head in the bucket and brang up nothing but more acid from my tummy. I coulkd hear Reece hold down his lunch at just the sight of me being sick. I ran my hand over my mouth, removing any evidance of being sick and looked at pale Reece.

Reece held my hand other hand that didn't have spew on it and looked at me ‘please come with me for a second, I want to show you something’ I looked at him questionably, but his eyes answered me. They were desperate for me to go.

I slowly got up as Reece supported me. He took me out of my bed room and the fresh air hit my lugs. The soft clean carpet was snug in-between my toes. I followed Reece to the bathroom, were he turned on the light and stood me in front of the mirror.

My hair was a mess, it was oily and un-brushed. All colour of my body had been drained out and left me looking pale and sick. My once bright happy green eyes were now a dark sea green and they were blood shot. My bones stuck out a little more than what they had previously. My teeth were yellow.

I looked up at Reece. ‘Would your mother like to see you like this?’ Reece asked me. ‘Is this being strong like you promised?’ He asked again, not waiting for an answer. He was right. I didn’t keep to my promise. I looked up at him ‘You’re right’ I said, barely getting the words out.

Reece walked to the shower and turned the taps on, the room started to fog up. I could feel how good it was going to be to have a nice hot shower again.

Reece gave a weak smile, and gave me an oversized top of Guns N’ Roses and a pare of his boxes that had small patterns on them. I looked up at Reece ‘Get showed and clean your hair, save your legs. Look like that Amber I know. Put them on and meet me in my room’ Reece said... or should I say ordered.

I took the clothes ‘...Why your room?’ I asked, trying to hide the smile that was slowly creeping on my face. He looked at me with a mysterious smile ‘You’ll see’ he said, slowly shutting the door.

I took my t-shirt off and my shorts and went to test the running water Reece turned on for me, right when the door opened and Reece’s head popped in. I froze, standing in my bra and undies ‘Don’t forget to lock the door’ Reece said while winking and sticking his tongue out and pointing at the lock.

That’s twice now that he’s walked in on me.

***

I opened Reece’s door to see him fiddling with a T.V cored frustratingly until he looked at it again and figured that it was the wrong way, ones he found his mistake he sighed in relief as it went in like he expected it to did the first time.

I rolled my eyes in my head. He’s so silly sometimes.

My hair was in natural wavey locks, My legs and armpits were smoth and hairless. I felt a lot better, I still looked drained and pail, but I felt much better. 

I coughed to let him know I was here, watching him. ‘Amber’ Reece smiled as me while getting up off him knees from the ground and walked over to me.

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me to his bed. ‘Um, what are you doing?’ I asked as he sat me on the bed. ‘Having a boys night in’ he said while putting ‘American Pie’ in the D.V.D machine.

He turned and looked at me with a beer in his hand ‘would you mind?’ Reece asked while getting ready to crack open the beer ‘Go ahead’ I said, I couldn’t let alcohol stop me and everyone else in my life from having a fun time.

He was laying down on his bed, with his head perched up on a pillow so he could see the T.V and drink his beer without drowning in it.

‘Come’ Reece said, moving over on his single bed so I had access to lay down next to him. ‘I think I’ll sit, my necks abit saw from laying down wrong’ I said, while rubbing the muscles on the back of my neck

They weren’t actually sore. That’s just how my mother and I use to lay down next to each other, in a dark room under the covers when dad was on a drunken rampage trough the house, smashing plates, kicking walls.

‘You alright?’ Reece said, looking up at me as he could see the fear that the memory brought back into my eyes. I shock my head out of the flash back and looked back at him ‘Yeah, I am now’ I said as I pushed my voice out.

Reece looked at me with confusion for a second, then figured to not even bother asking. He took another swig of beer and let out an excused sigh and closed his eyes.

‘Do you miss him?’ he asked, not opening his eyes. I looked at him, expecting him to open his eyes and look at me, but he didn’t. ‘Who?’ I asked, not knowing anything about what he was on about. ‘Your father.’ Reece said as my body shivered and my face went pale at the sound of his name

‘No.’ I snapped fast. Why would I miss being tortured, bullied and unloved?

I instantly felt guilty for snapping at him. ‘Sorry’ I said as Reece took a swig of his beer. ‘You were here some good news?’ Reece said, ignoring my apology. ‘Yeah..’ I said, urging him to go on.

‘You wont have to live with your father anymore’ He said sitting up. I looked at him confused, is he inviting me to live with him? What is he saying? I looked at him and raised my eyebrows

‘Your mum left everything in your name, including the house’