Therapy

~ 9 ~

I think I've figured it out

How I fell in love with you 

And the truth is

I didn't

I fell in love with your thoughts

And it is terrifying

It's brutally honest, and painful and I don't know what to make of it

That I fall in love with thoughts

See, thoughts are complex

They are beautiful and intricate little details

They're comprised of everything that makes a person who they are

Thoughts are the galaxy that give a skeleton life

And I didn't fall in love with your skeleton

I fell in love with the ones you kept hidden in your closet

All of the colors and the constellations that you never wanted me to see

But I saw through you

I saw through your skin and bones to the secrets that haunted you even in your sleep

And that terrified you

You shut me out

But even still I see them

I don't want to love you anymore

Sinking into the idea

This idea, that I never did

It is easier than putting everything in black and white

But the truth is that I didn't fall in love with you

I fell in love with the thought that anything could happen

With the idea of taking everything one day at a time

With the theory that giving you the time and the space and all that you needed to grow would somehow fix all of this

Fix us

But you can't take a bird that has been caged all it's life and expect it to know how to fly

Just as you cannot expect that I will not be broken by you in time

Your skeleton held promise, hope

My bones are made of cardboard and duct tape

I would rather build myself up over and over again

Cut everything I know as I know it, out of my veins to keep myself safe

In this life time

In every single lifetime before and after

I would rather be held together by the spare parts that I've made

Than the shiny new ones you've been handed

We are not the same 

(I'm so much better than the idea I had of who I thought you were)