Wanting Her(#1)

19

The soft knock on her door got her wondering who is on the other side at this time of the night. It was pass midnight and Noor was certain every one had retired to bed.

She was shocked when she opened the door to reveal her father, dressed in his nightwear, whom she had not seen since the wedding preparations began.

From the crease that had formed on his forehead, and the tight smile on his lips, Noor could tell whatever brought Baba to her room isn't good.

Noor stepped aside and Baba walked in, he scanned through her room briefly before settling on her single sitter couch after handing her one of the cups of tea he had brought with him. Noor eagerly took the cup of aromatic spice blend tea, after thanking her father she took a space on her bed, facing him.

The cinnamon and cardamom in the tea filled her nostrils with their strong scent which she absolutely loved and she was glad to have a cup after a stressful day.

The awkwardness was palatable in the room, Baba has never stepped a foot in her room, not even when the room got renovated to suit her transition from teenage to adulthood.

Baba cleared his throat, words formed a lump at the base of his tongue, they weighed heavily on his chest.  Noor fiddled with the strands of her pashmina shawls, taking small sips from her cup, the feeling of unease gnawed at her, she knew by a single look on her father's face, whatever he had to say to her tonight is not something she would want to hear.

Baba signed after taking a big slurp from his cup, " Noora" he called, the softness and emotions in the way he called her name made tears began pooling in her eyes.

"I have not been the best father to you," Baba swallowed the sadness and guilt forming in his throat "I regret not showering you the love you were void of and also turning blind eye on your situation in the house.." Baba paused, sucking ina deep breath before he went on "...and most importantly, I don't think i will forgive myself for this marriage I've brought upon you" Baba stated, deep melancholy taking possession of him.

"You have every right to hate me Noora, I don't deserve to be your father." Baba added dejectedly.

Noor couldn't put in words how she felt about what her father had finished saying. His words weighed heavily on her chest and for a moment, she couldn't feel her lungs with air. The aroma of the tea awaken her senses,keeping her afloat but she wished to disappear, anywhere, but she didn't want to be here.

True, there were moments she felt disappointed in her father, there were times she really needed him but he didn't see her even when she was right in front of him. But she had never thought of harboring ill feelings towards him let alone think of hating her own father. What benefit will doing that bring to her? She questioned herself rhetorically.

Noor dropped the cup on the vanity and moved closer to where Baba was seated and knelt close to her father's feet, gently taking him hands in hers. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she couldn't imagine what her father was going through in that moment.

Parents make mistakes, they shape their relationship with their children either in a good way or the opposite but they are humans, children don't seem to think that their parents are bound to mistakes and don't have it all figured out.

They weren't given any manual or professional training in parenting, they pretty much winged their way through it giving up all of themselves in it.

She had been a proud daughter, even with the flaws of her father, he will forever be flawless and faultless in her eyes.

The father-daughter duo sat in silence, neither of them made attempt to break it. Baba's eyes glistening with unshed tears while Noor made no effort to wipe the ones smearing her face.