Dances and Ruin// Reiner Braun x OC

Chapter Twenty-Five

Four Years Ago

Peri leans against one of the trees along her trail as she tries to regulate her breathing. It's ragged and labored, each one hurting more than the last. Sweat slides down the sides of her face as she sinks into the ground beside the base of the tree. She winces as she lays her legs out and closes her eyes. Just keep breathing. Even if it hurts, in and out. Repeat. You can't let this be what breaks you. Keep moving forward, if not for possibilities of hope, then for possibilities of spiting everyone and everything that ever stood in your way. Keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing. Her eyes crack open at the sound of footsteps drawing closer and she lulls her head to the side to see a torchlight not far from where she sits. She breathes shakily and tries to pull her feet in, making herself as small as she possibly can in hopes of going unnoticed. Still, the torchlight and the person carrying it alongside them stop a few feet away. The voice sounds familiar when they speak, Peri doesn't even have to lift her head to know it's Jean. "Are you stupid or something?" he asks.

Peri closes her eyes again, resting her head against the tree trunk, "Is that really any way at all to greet a friend?"

"What the hell are you doing out here?" He asks, kneeling in front of her.

"What does it look like?"

Jean scoffs, "Don't be a smart ass. You know what I mean. Why are you out here? They released you from the infirmary hours ago, you shouldn't be doing anything strenuous, especially not with your injuries. You should be resting."

"I am," Peri says.

"You should be resting in your room." He groans, flailing one of his arms as if exhausted. "I mean, what is it with you? As if almost dying wasn't enough, you have to go out and make the healing process harder? You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Peri frowns, turning her head in the opposite direction. Like this, not even a glimpse of Jean is visible. "Nobody asked you to take me on as a project, Jean. If it's really that much work, there are other ways to spend your time."

"That's not what I meant," he says. "Just... tell me, please, why'd you come all the way out here on your own without telling someone?"

I just want to be alone. Everything and everyone is suffocating me. It's smothering. Nobody treats me the same way they used to. Nobody sees me the way they used to. I'm the object of their pity. I'm the root of their worry. I just need to be alone. "I just wanted to—"

Jean shakes his head, "Nevermind. You don't have to say it. Where were you going? Was it the puddle?" Peri nods. "Okay, I'll walk with you out there. Just to make sure you make it safely. Then I'll leave you alone for as long as you need, and after I'll walk back with you. Is that okay?" Another nod. Jean smiles softly, "Good. It was either that or I'd take you back to your room and stay at your side. Let's get moving." Jean moves Peri's arm over his shoulder and he helps her stand. Her arm lingers over his shoulder the whole way over, leaning on him for support. Peri would never admit it, but she's glad Jean befriended her. He's been a good shoulder to lean on— physically and emotionally. I hope I can return the favor someday.

Peri's head slowly lifts, shifting her gaze from the grass beneath her feet to the small body of water before her, and any bit of warmth she clings onto flees in an instant. It feels cold here. It feels empty. She inhales sharply, air seemingly trying to escape her. "Just a little farther. I wanna sit close to the water," she says. Jean nods understandingly and helps her to the water and into a comfortable seated position before going his separate ways.

She waits until the sounds of his footsteps recede entirely and she scans the area to make sure she can't see him before allowing herself to relax a little. It feels wrong to be here alone, but it wouldn't feel right with anyone other than Reiner here either. Even if he were here, I'm not sure it would still feel right anymore. Tears sting the backs of her eyes. None of it feels right, not even the memories feel like something to hold on to. They all feel wrong in one way or another. Fake, fragmented, distant, and blurry. None of them feel like they even belong to me anymore. I'm just stuck with all of these great glimpses of a life I had once and all they're good for is making me hurt now.