as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 25 - black screen

"good morning babe" i heard Billie's raspy voice waking me up.

"good morning Bil" i mumbled between a yawn, without opening my eyes.

it had been a couple of days since i  came back to Billie's and everything was back to normal. i was back on my designing job, went to another therapy session and went to the hospital to remove my stitches. most wounds of the past week were healed.

i finally opened my eyes and my gaze met a sleepy Billie who had probably just woken up. she looked so effortlessly beautiful, it was insane.

"what time is it?" i asked tired. we had stayed up late doing some stuff the night before and i was still sore between my legs.

"it's almost 11" she answered and leaned in for a quick peck.

"shit, no" i screamed and sat up abruptly. "i have to send a piece of work to my boss by 1pm and i'm still just halfway done"

"calm down baby, you can do it" Billie said and rubbed my back. her soothing voice combined with her warm touch helped my tensed up muscles relax.

"i need to get down to work right now" i groaned and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth before grabbing my laptop to finish my work. i had to design a poster for some dance club or something, i didn't even know. all i did was follow the instructions given without caring who i was working for.

after about fifteen minutes i heard Billie coming into the room. "are you hungry? i made us avocado toasts" she said while placing a plate of food on the nightstand next to me. she sat down opposite me on the bed to eat her breakfast.

"thank you baby". i put my laptop aside for a minute and ate my toast fast and clumsily to get back to work as soon as possible. i managed to devour the whole thing in less that three minutes.

Billie moved around on the bed and eventually settled down next to me. i wrapped my right arm around her and pulled her closer as i continued working on this fucking poster.

after changing stuff around multiple times, i finally found the ideal layout for the poster and sent it to my boss. i waited for his approval and put my laptop on the nightstand when he told me he liked it. Billie had fallen asleep on me and i tried not to move a lot so i wouldn't wake her up.

suddenly, her phone started ringing. Zoe wanted to facetime. i tried to wake her up but she was sleeping heavily. i decided to answer the phone anyway.

"hey Bil- oh hi Skylar" Zoe's voice sounded a bit nervous.

"hey Zoe. sorry for picking up the phone but Billie is fast asleep on me and i don't think she's willing to get up anytime soon" i chuckled and Zoe gave me a half smile.

"uh could you-, please try to wake her up, this is important" she said and she sounded really serious.

i turned to Billie and shook her slightly in attempt to wake her up. "baby, it's time to get up. c'mon" i repeated a couple of times till she actually opened her eyes.

"ugh, i'm tired, the fuck" she groaned. it must have been really awkward for Zoe to just sit on the other side of the phone while i tried to make Billie get up.

"Zoe is on the phone and she says it's important" i whispered in her ear and that made her sat up on the bed.

"hey bitch, what's up" Billie said to Zoe and she chuckled.

"dude, listen up this is serious". my eyes met Billie's and we both shared a confused expression. "so, i was just scrolling on my phone and i came across paparazzi pics of you two at the hospital and there are stupid articles written on daily mail and shit".

"fuck, fuck, no" Billie mumbled under her breath. she borrowed my phone and went through her tags on instagram which were flooded with pictures of us leaving the hospital the day i got my stitches removed. there were at least twenty different of them. i could see panic in Billie's eyes.

"thank you for telling me Zoe, i'll figure out what to do. love you, bye" Billie said on the phone.

"love you too" was all Zoe said before hanging up.

i turned around to face Billie. she was shaking and i could see tears forming on the corners of her eyes.

Billie's pov

i felt sick to my stomach. i wanted to disappear from the planet, i wanted no one to know my name, i wanted to go back in time and somehow avoid the paparazzi at the hospital.

my panic was probably obvious because Skylar looked at me very concerned.

"i know this is bad baby but you need to calm down" she told me.

"you don't understand" i tried to yell but it sounded more like a whisper. tears were threatening to spill and my whole body heated up. "it's not that simple" i muttered and a single tear fell down my cheek.

"listen, no i can't understand and i never will because i don't have your life but we can figure it out together. tell me, why are you so scared?".

"i'm- it's just" i struggled to talk due to the harsh sobs that were leaving my mouth. "i'm not ready to come out to the world yet, it's scary. you know, i looked it up the other day and there are places i've performed where queer people don't even have rights. it's scary Skylar. i'm afraid of what the internet will say".

Skylar wrapped her arms around me and rocked our bodies back and forth, trying to make me feel better. "fuck the internet" she whispered which made me chuckle. "i know it can be scary baby and i don't want you to do it if you aren't ready. do you think it will be okay if you say that i'm just a friend of yours? i mean there aren't any pictures of us holding hands or kissing".

"i- i don't know, i think so".

Skylar grabbed my phone and went on instagram. "can you do it for me, please?" i practically begged her.

"okay" she agreed and kissed my forehead.

i watched her as she typed with her bottom lip pressed between her teeth, choosing every word carefully.

"to the fans,
please stop assuming things and making up stories guys. just because you see me with someone you don't know, it doesn't mean we're dating. i have friends yall don't know shit about. please, just stop assuming stuff, it's pretty invasive and also embarrassing".

"is that okay?" she asked for approval.

"yeah, it's good. oh wait make the background black. it should be a black screen". we both laughed at my statement and Skylar posted the story.

a few hours later i checked my tags and there were no people saying "oh is this Billie Eilish's secret girlfriend" but they were all defending me by saying stuff like "Billie is right, we don't have to be up her ass" etc.

it was such a relief. it wasn't that i wanted to hide Skylar or whatever but i was really scared. people on the internet judge me for pretty much everything, my voice, my clothes, my body, literally everything. i just wasn't ready to have tons of people hating on me for my sexuality or tons of articles saying "Billie Eilish comes out as gay", like why do people care anyway?

"we gotta be more careful whenever we're in public" i exclaimed with a sigh.

A/N: kinda a random/filler chapter but i just wanted to add the paparazzi to make it more realistic for Billie