as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 17 - diagnosed

Billie's pov

"Miss O'Connell" i heard my name being called out by a nurse. "you may now see Miss Carter. visiting time is 30 minutes long".

"thank you" i mumbled and walked over Skylar's room.

my parents and i waited an hour or so and they finally let me go see my baby. Finneas and Claudia wanted to come as well but i told them it's better not to. they'd see Skylar as soon as we got home.

i walked into the room. she was laying in the hospital bed, her back facing the door. she looked exhausted.

"baby" i whispered softly and she turned around.

"Billie you're here" she muttered.

"of course i am here. how do you feel?" i asked her walking towards the bed.

"eh to be honest, i don't know" she said while i sat at the edge of the bed.

"it's fine, i understand it's hard". i rubbed her legs trying to comfort her.

"i'm so sorry baby. i know i shouldn't have done it but i just couldn't help it. i don't know i just-" she started apologising.

"Skylar stop apologising" i cut her off. "you're safe now and that's all that matters to me. we're gonna talk about it when you're ready"

"thank you for today. i don't even know what would happen if you weren't there" she said as i got closer to her and cupped her cheeks in my hands. i kissed her nose and she cracked a smile. she placed a sweet but quick kiss on my lips.

"i am so glad you called me for help. even though i was scared as fuck i will forever be thankful you actually called me instead of, you know, just dealing with it by yourself"

i wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight without putting my weight on her. i kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes, yawning.

"do you wanna take a nap baby?" i asked without letting her go.

"mhmm" she hummed.

"okay, i'll let you rest. you need some sleep"

i pecked her lips one last time and got up from the bed. i sat on a chair in the hospital room, not wanting to leave her side. i stared at her face, examining her angelic features while she was sleeping peacefully. she was so damn beautiful. it hurt me to know how much pain this girl felt. i just wanted to protect her and make her feel good.

"i love you" i whispered, knowing she won't hear it since she was asleep. it felt so relieving to finally speak my thoughts out loud. "i love you so much Skylar. you'll be okay, i promise. no one will ever hurt you, as long as i'm here". a tear fell down my cheek.

"excuse me" i heard a nurse say after cleaning her throat. i flinched at her unexpected presence in the room. "i'm sorry to interrupt you but visiting time is over. you need to leave the room now. Dr. Williams wants to talk to you about Miss Carter".

"okay thank you. where can i find Dr. Williams?" i asked anxiously.

"his office is on this floor, next to the canteen" said the nurse and lead me to the door.

i walked into the doctor's office and i took a seat on a chair opposite to him.

"you must be Miss O'Connell, right?"

"yes. i was told you want to talk to me" i replied. i was so nervous for some reason.

"well since you are the one accompanying Miss Carter i have to tell you about the injuries she had and what is going to follow next with her treating process" he began. "Miss Carter had a deep cut on her left wrist and she just needed four stitches, which is not really serious. she passed out due to the stress caused to her and not because of blood loss. what worries us the most though is the conditions under she got that scar. do you know what happened?"

"yes, sort of. we didn't have time to really talk about it in depth because when i found her i just rushed to call the ambulance and i didn't want to bring it up when i saw her in the hospital room" i told him.

"well Miss Carter talked with the hospital's psychiatrist and revealed she was self harming. Miss Smith, the psychiatrist, diagnosed her with depression, early stages of anxiety disorder and she is clearly suicidal. although her physical health is good, you understand that she shouldn't just be left like this. we don't think she should be sent to the psych ward, so it's up to her to go see a therapist. the hospital can't do anything more. she will be given a diagnosis paper she will need to show her therapist, when she gets one"

"okay Dr. Williams, i'll make sure to help her with the whole therapy thing. when will she get out of the hospital?"

"today. she'll do one last check up and then she's ready to go. she has to come back in seven days to remove the stitches"

"okay thank you" i said and i was about to got up but he stopped me.

"one last question Miss O'Connell and you're ready to go. what's your relationship with Miss Carter? why aren't her parents or any over relative here?. i'm not trying to be rude but when we have such incidents parents rush to the hospital in tears"

"oh um" i hesitated to answer at first but my gaze fell on a picture frame with a photo of the doctor and another man in suits and a little boy between them. it was clearly safe to be honest with him. "Skylar is my girlfriend and well she doesn't have the best relationship with her family" i muttered.

"okay, i see. sorry if the question was too personal. take care of yourselves girls, the world can sometimes be cruel. i grew up in a conservative family, i've been there and i understand" he said giving me a warm smile. for some reason this made me feel extremely safe.

"thank you Doctor, thank you" i smiled back at him. i got up and walked towards the door.

"the nurse will inform you when Miss Carer's check up is over" he said before i left.

i went back to my parents, still sitting on the same chairs in the same hallway for the past 2 hours. they didn't want to leave me alone which i found cute. all of a sudden, my breath hitched and i started shaking. tears started streaming down my face.

"Billie is everything okay? what did the doctor told you?" my mom asked, rubbing my arm in attempt to comfort me.

"she-" i mumbled but i couldn't form a sentence with all this crying. "she needs to go to therapy. her mental health is really bad" i let out in between sobs.

"Billie i understand this makes you sad but you know therapy is for the best. it will help her" dad noted.

"i know, i just wish this hadn't happened from the beginning, you know"

"it also makes us really sad that Skylar feels this way because she's such a nice girl but, Billie, some things in life are inevitable. she's having a hard time and it's heartbreaking but crying won't help neither of you. she needs your support through this journey". my mom always knew how to comfort me.

"yeah, i guess you're right" i said, wiping my tears away. both mom and dad hugged me. i loved them so much, they where always there for me. i would be completely lost without.

after 30 minutes Skylar was ready to leave the hospital. no one asked her anything about whatever had happened, it was just a silent drive to our house. dad drove us there because i wanted to sit on the backseat with Skylar. she had her head on my shoulder and i was rubbing her thigh the entire time.

A/N: honestly idk if this is how the whole diagnosing thing works, i just thought the way i wrote it made sense. i've never been in a similar situation so i don't know if this is accurate.