as long as i'm here / / billie eilish

chapter 26 - new york city

Billie and i had our one month anniversary. she took me out on some local vegan restaurant and then we went stargazing at the beach. it felt so nice to spend some quality time with her and stop thinking about the decisions i had to make.

guilt was my main emotion the past week. i had been staying at Billie's house for a whole month and brought an entire family's life upside down. Billie had been getting busier and busier with shooting, writing and doing press. my job as a graphic designer, which Billie had gotten me into, was doing really well until i got a huge offer from my boss.

"we're doing a partnership with some designing company at New York and they're impressed by your work" were his exact words at the phone four days ago. "they are offering you an apartment near their main offices. they will pay the rent for you, they just want you there desperately. you'll still be working for me but they want you for a project which will last about three or four months. the payment will be very high. will you accept?".

rationally speaking i would accept the offer in a heartbeat but deep down i couldn't imagine being apart from Billie for such a long time. i needed to somehow get my life together after being kicked out and this was a great opportunity but i wanted my girlfriend with me.

after only a month i had become way too attached to her. i couldn't just leave her. but i had to. i had to learn not to depend on her.

"get dressed, i wanna drive you somewhere" i told Billie who was sitting at the kitchen eating an avocado toast.

"isn't it kind of early for a night out?" she asked still focused on her food.

"hurry up, i don't wanna miss the sunset" was all i said before disappearing back to her room.

fifteen minutes later we were in my car driving to a destination unknown to Billie, a destination which used to be very familiar to me.

i stopped my car next to a field full of sunflowers. a small pond was next to it, the orange light of the sunset reflected on the water. the warm breeze made Billie's hair fly out of her face. the view was breathtaking but it was nothing compared to her.

"this has been Autumn and i's secret hangout spot since forever" i explained, my gaze focused on the pond a few feet away from us. "we used to come here after school, usually whenever one of us had a bad day. we would sit by the pond, watching the sunset, eating snacks and talking about everything. on their eleventh birthday we talked about our future dreams. they wanted to be a vet when they grew older, to take care of animals, to be able to pet every cat in the world. i wanted to be a teacher, a nice teacher like Ms. Kathryn, our fourth grade teacher".

tears were forming on the corners of my eyes as i kept talking about my childhood best friend, who had become a stranger to me. "then it became a tradition. every year on their birthday we would come here and talk about our dream jobs and how we wanted the future to be. at twelve they wanted to be a ballerina and do recitals at Moscow while i wanted to be a doctor and save people's lives. at thirteen we both wanted to have our own clothing line. at fourteen they wanted to work at a cafeteria and i wanted to be a foster parent and just have a part time job".

"at fifteen they wanted to travel around the world without worrying about working and then i made a confession i thought i would keep to myself my entire life. 'i wanna have a nice apartment with huge windows at New York and live there with my partner. the thing is i want my partner to be a girl. i like girls' and that's how i came out to the first person ever. i thought they would hate me but instead they came out back to me as bisexual. that summer was when they left to Michigan. surprisingly, they flew back here on their sixteenth birthday and that was the last time we visited this place. they came out to me as non binary but we didn't talk about dreams and goals because they thought it was too childish. that was the first time Autumn wasn't the Autumn i had known".

"i miss them a lot" i whispered and finally looked back at Billie while a tear fell down my cheek.

she was looking at me with a concerned yet loving look on her face. she was probably paying much attention to every single word that slipped out of my mouth.

"wow, you two were really good friends" she mumbled under her breath. "i don't have such a beautiful story to tell you but i've lost tons of friends. when i was around sixteen and my career was blowing up i met tons of new people. we were hanging out almost every day but never in public because i had gotten too famous for this. i was spending so much time with them that i kind of neglected my actual best friends i have had since i was a kid. these people somehow manipulated me into thinking they were great and fun and whatever but i eventually realised they used me for fame and they just tried to be on the spotlight. it was hard but i cut them off and i've been way happier with my real friends since then".

"fuck, these people ain't it. i'm glad you don't have to deal with them anymore, baby" i held her hands in mine and kissed her lips. "follow me" i said and dragged her by her arm.

i cut a sunflower off the field and gave it to her. "here, take this" i chuckled and playfully hit her on the head with it.

"it's so pretty" she exclaimed in awe, looking at the flower in her hands and then back at me. "i mean, you're prettier but still, you know" she said and i chuckled at her nervousness.

"you're adorable" i told her.

we walked to the pond and sat by the bank. i took off my shoes and put my feet them in the water, the cool temperature made me relax. i helped Billie take her shoes off as well and she copied my movements. we both swang out feet back and forth in the water, our fingers tangled and my head on her shoulder. Billie's free hand was fidgeting with the sunflower placed next to her.

"hey Bil" i spoke, catching her attention. "i- i need to tell you something"

"you sound worried babe, you good?"

i rearranged my sitting position and turned around to face her, my feet still in the water.

"yes, i mean kinda. i don't fucking know" i shrugged.

"tell me what's up Skylar" she said with a serious tone in her voice.

"well, uh, my boss at my job had an offer for me. they're doing a partnership with a company which will give me a free apartment just because they want me to help them with a project they're doing. i will make much money if i accept to work with them".

"congratulations baby, that's amazing! how could this make you not feel okay?"

"Billie the company is in New York, the apartment is there" i informed her with a shaky voice and she let out an almost inaudible what.

"it's only for three or four months and i have no idea what i'll do after, i'll probably come back".

she wrapped her arms around me clumsily and hugged me. "you can go Skylar, it's okay" she whispered in my ear between sniffles. "i know you need this, i know you want to start your own life. i will always support you on anything you wanna do. i will miss you but it's for the best, right?"

"thank you Billie, i knew you would understand". i slowly leaned in and kissed her lips, she kissed me back immediately.

A/N: i took a small break buuut im back now, i hope you enjoy this.

what do you think about Skylar's job offer? do you think she will eventually go to nyc?

pls vote, comment, add to your library etc <3