Starlight | Fillie

Time's Up

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The calendar marks the tenth day of June.

It has been a week since the chemistry read and life was still the same unbearable routine.

In those days of freedom before filming officially started, Finn spent his days hiding from the world, somehow considering the peace and quiet of his home as the best company he could have wished for.

His music instruments were the only ones giving him the semblance of a long time friend that never lets you down and who's there for you when the world is too loud.

And the music he played, so raw and loud, was also the only entity able to substitute the sound of a voice that he hadn't heard for a while, the only one he wished he could speak to.

Because despite it being hard to admit to the depth of himself, Millie didn't call him back since their goodbye. Not once. Not ever.

This shouldn't come as a surprise as he basically was the one breaking up, but that didn't mean he wasn't hopeful to hear a word or two from her.

Was he disappointed? Probably. Was he utterly devastated? Almost certainly. But did he blame it on her? Absolutely not.

After all, he was giving her all the space she needed, being understanding of their situation and trying to live on just like she did when she was waiting for him. Like begrudgingly starting a new novel when your favorite one was over and you were waiting for the sequel.

It's in these moments of constant wait that he is starting to realize... How did she do it?

How did Millie have the patience to wait for him, someone already taken and who also couldn't stand her? How did she manage to suppress all of those piercing feelings for half a year?

"Because she's so strong and she can't even realize it." He answers to himself quietly as his thumb brushes on the chords of his guitar, still laying in his bed.

Millie is the strongest one between the two, and that had been obvious since the very start.

She was capable of fighting her own battles, no matter the outcome. In the good or in the bad, she dealt with them on her own, while he was more of a runaway boy.

Running away or hiding from the problem was way easier and less troubling than facing it. It saved him from the issue of confrontation, his biggest flaw and one of his deepest fears.

But tomorrow, Finn won't have any excuse to cling to. Confrontation always comes eventually, and he won't be able to escape from it.

He stares at the night out the window, eyes numb and lacking his usual light. The sky is soaked in a midnight blue that reminds him of the ocean, just like the ocean of musings he has drawn in for hours.

He won't sleep tonight, and it is obvious judging by the already half-full ashtray on the nightstand. For as much as he despises smoking, it helps him ease his nerves from time to time. Thinking straight, too.

With his cigarette stuck between his lips, he limits himself to spending his night staring at the stars, as his imagination goes wild and shapes in the need of her, the life he would love to have while staying by her side. Coexisting, his only desire.

In all of these thoughts, Finn loves her. In ways that cannot be written down or said out loud. It would be a shame admitting them when she is not here. He would like to tell what he feels about her—the agonizing torture that is loving Millie in every excruciating detail.

Her hands, her singing voice, her piggy laugh, her playful touch, her dimple, her birthmark, her vanilla scent, her jealousy, her voice when she's barely awake, her cold feet on his back, her sickening excitement for romcoms, her horrible dances... Everything. He loves everything. He wants everything.