Starlight | Fillie

Downpour

➵

Finn doesn't know how he managed to quit the convention and reach his apartment in Los Angeles without being asked questions about his catatonic state or dragging the attentions of the paparazzis outside.

The ride home had been dreadfully quiet. Ryan watched over him while Finn was sinking in all of his sorrow. His face was pale and drained out, almost skeletal; his voice vanished, and his head is a carousel of memories that can't stop spinning.

Like a child, Finn had his head rested on Ryan's shoulder and his arms wrapped around him, eyes squeezed shut as other tears were still trying to get out.

He never cried this much.

Pathetically speaking, Finn would rather die or disappear from the face of the Earth, in a black hole where nobody could find him.

During that exhausting and never ending ride, neither music could help to distract himself; those usual tunes he loved more than himself were useless, as the only music playing in his hears was the shameless piercing heartbeat leading him to an unstoppable tachycardia.

He wish he could forget the last hour. But like the most painful torture, the images keep flashing in front of him.

Darkness only helps to give them life.

"Finn, are you here? Is everything okay—" Ryan opens the door of the back of the building.

His words chase to exist in the moment he sees this tiny thing curled up against the wall, face pressed onto the bricked wall while crying and sobbing against it. In his most frail taste, Finn feels he is a human again.

Not a monster who has shattered a girl into pieces. Not a person who harmed what was the love his life without any real intention.

He wanted to make her feel what he felt—but he didn't want to destroy her. Harm her. Take her down.
He didn't want any of this.

He was heartbroken and he wanted her to go away from his life. He wanted to save himself from those feelings that lead him to his doom. Millie's words pushed him to stop believing in love, turning into a cynical jerk and using drugs.

But as Finn lets out his crying, he is now starting to realized that the only drugs he needed was not cocaine.

It was her.

The withdrawal from Millie's love lead to this and, after three years, he is still fighting to get up.

She destroyed him and he destroyed her. They were fair now. But this doesn't help to put his heart in peace; if anything, the pieces of himself were vanishing even more. Like he was a puzzle meant to be forever incomplete.

Ryan runs up to him, avoiding stepping on the vomit, and helps him getting up by grabbing him for his shoulders.

But Finn keeps on crying, letting his soul pour out like a tumultuous flowing river. He is a symphony of broken sounds, sobs and his eyes are like two red shiny cherries. There is nothing appealing about him.

"Finn, Listen." He shakes his shoulders vigorously. "Finn, you need to react! She will be okay!"

Finn shakes his head, letting out strangled sobs he can't contain.