Starlight | Fillie

When a Star dies

TW: This chapter contains mentions of self-harm and drug abuse. Read at your own risk.

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Los Angeles couldn't look any gloomier.

It seems like God put a veil on it, darkening the contours and fading all the light soaked in the frantic lifestyle of the people living beneath. The clouds are a sea of grey ready to explode the thunders that will accompany Millie's march to her own personal scaffold.

With the baggage of failure and dreams crashed, Millie's feet are dragging her around the streets of a city she fails to recognize.

She always saw it through the tinted mirrors of the vans carrying her around for work and mundane events; or through the camera and tells of somebody else. But living it?

No, Millie never lived (it) at all. She was supposed to do so with Finn before he admitted his ultimate betrayal.

Fists buried in her oversized hoodie, head bent down, sunglasses stuck on her, Millie fails to see clearly in that fog of hurt. She knows she is a walking mess, that her eyes are swollen by the tears, and that paparazzi are hunting for her, like the most succulent prey to kill and show off.

But recognizing her is going to be a challenge; her anonymous clothes don't give away her identity. And it's not like she had another choice for more fancy clothes.

She grabbed all that she could before storming out Finn's apartment... and his life, too.

All that she has is her purse, her phone, and the same clothes she used to appear at his door, the one that was supposed to be the main door of her new home and the fresh start of their new life.

But Finn, the one she trusted the most, denied this chance to them. He decided to act his way, treating her like a brainless, sick doll who couldn't do anything on her own—not that far from how her parents considered her.

And what about his fight with Joel Adams? Could he be more inconsiderate?

She can't wrap her head around the fact he talked to that man alone. How could he? How could he face that monster all by himself? Did he even think about the possible consequences?

But the reality is that Finn did so much more than that. He carried all of those secrets about her for months. Deliberately lied to her face and made her feel like she was just a frail child to protect. Forgave her only out of pity.

And the ultimate betrayal: he forced himself to love her.

Love. Such a big word for people like Finn Wolfhard. Yet, for how much he professed the importance of it, he never told her once.

Or maybe his undying love for her was just linked to the idea of her. Was his care just a reflection of his self-guilt for what he did to her? Or was it just pure physical need? Whatever the answer is, it tastes like the vomit stuck in her throat.

Millie chokes a sobbing of defeat as she wanders around the sidewalks, but there aren't tears in her eyes anymore. Her irises have turned into a pale brown; completely lifeless, just like the emotions locked up in the last drawer of her heart.

She is confused, dehydrated, disoriented by the foreign environment that she doesn't even care where she places her feet. She bumps into random pedestrians for which she doesn't even apologize for and earns insults in return.