passports (hlvrai x reader)

chapter twenty.

a/n:  I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, HERE'S CHP 20!!!!!!!!


====TW: MENTIONS OF INJURY, IN A WAY GORE???====

words: 2460

(y/n)'s pov~

walking around with tommy in a run down, almost eerie underground laboratory was.. interesting to say the least. it was very awkward at first, as i was still in partial shock of everything that occurred in the last who-knows-how-many-fucking hours; but tommy was naturally very good at keeping the atmosphere as comfortable it could be in this situation. 

he rambled about his dog, how he frequented dunkin donuts, just his actual life outside of black mesa. his 'actual life'. hearing him talk about his life initially made me wonder if he and everyone else actually did have some sort of world outside of this. then it made my stomach churn with guilt. guilt that he and everyone else might not have anything to do after all of this is over. guilt that they have nowhere to go when we leave. or maybe it was just hunger. 

i offered tommy a bag of chips as i took another one out for myself, now walking around mindlessly with the not-so ambient noises of chip bags rustling and our chips crunching. in all honesty, i enjoyed the moment we were having; as much as i could anyway. we were still lost. and i still felt guilty.

tommy was constantly snatching glances at me, all while checking in on me every 5 minutes or so. he would ask if my legs hurt, if my head was feeling alright, if i was feeling okay, if i wanted to take a break from walking.

i stopped for a moment, "sure, tommy. my legs are starting to get a bit tired anyways," i tell him.

tommy's eyes light up in what looks like relief as we turn into a random room, sitting down on the cold concrete. it made me slightly reminisce on the first day the science team was all together: everyone together, tommy punching a pigeon to death, benrey sitting on a barrel, benrey shooting a pigeon, sharing trail mix with benrey, enjoying benrey's presence, benrey, benrey, benrey. 

why the fuck did everything have to be about benrey then?

why did i let him in so easily like that?

thinking about benrey made me feel upset, confused, cheated. 

i didn't feel like i missed him, not in the slightest. but... i knew that part of me just wished that things didn't turn out the way they did. that maybe he could've been better to me. or maybe that i wouldn't have let him in so easy.

i feel something touch my cold, sore hand; tommy's fingertips. they slowly creeped further onto my hand, testing the waters. it wasn't until i brought my hand slightly towards him when he fully put his warm hand on top of my own. when he did, i could swear i felt myself untense a bit, though i wasn't even aware i was in the first place.

i see a small smile make its way onto his lips as he gives me a friendly, reassuring smile. i admired tommy for being so consistent even through all of this, somehow still retaining his upbeat personality. his optimism was somewhat contagious, as his smile gave me hope that we'd find the rest of the science team soon.

the nice moment eventually passed as a loud, mechanical noise started ringing through the room. it wasn't the pipes settling, as we had heard it constantly walking through the halls; it was definitely much louder than anything like that.

tommy stood up and started looking around, trying to figure out where the sounds were coming from. i stood up not long after, putting my hand in my pocket and preparing to possibly get my gun out. i let my hand ghost over the handle as tommy continued to look around.