Fat Boy // styles [Disorder prequel]

eleven

"I don't belong here. I never have, and I'm quite afraid I never will."

--

March 25, 2009 -- 00.53

I'm not a fan of bridges, the height was always too much for me to handle. But now, I almost want to thank these bridges for being here when I need them -- when I need to jump. I'm sitting off the edge of one of the few tall bridges in the area, the water rushing far below my feet as though it were Alice's rabbit hole. And just as she was, I'm curious to know what lies below -- to find and reach the end. What would greet me at the bottom of this dark abyss?

The dark abyss I've already traveled in has lead me to a shorter one with an almost guaranteed disappearance from the planet we call home.

Why do we always pick bridges?

Maybe we pick bridges because we want to be able to see if wings were ever in the picture. We want to see if we could fly on our own rather than depending on technology. Maybe we wanted to see the stars as we fell to the water and reach for them to see if we could grasp onto the only lights that illuminated the darkest nights. I don't know, but I know that I've always wanted to know what it would be like to feel the wind in my face as I took a giant leap forward. I want to know what the people feel whether it be regret or the satisfaction of freedom or the sweetest kiss you'd ever receive from death himself/herself.

This was never quite what I pictured when I thought of the word "leap," but now I see it. If I was ever going to take a leap in anything.. this would be it. There's no leaps of faith in God for me or leaps while playing tag with the children I had once hoped to be my own. Here I sit, now, fighting my demons and running from the voices in my head. I'm here, now, to seek the freedom I may never achieve.

Goodbye.

Harry

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the next chapter is slightly different.
did this seem poetic to anyone?? I'm in English class writing sonnets soooo

hellooooo, turn your frown upside down :)

- hannah