Fat Boy // styles [Disorder prequel]

fourteen

"Get away, this is my life. If I want to die let me die, it isn't your life to save."

——

May 1, 2008 — 22:09

No right. She had no right to be going through my things or saying the things she said. She had no right to talk to me the way she did. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. I hate how she treats me like a goddamn child when she was in my shoes not even half a decade ago. I hate how she treats me like I'm so inferior to her, like I've not had as much experience. I'm more mature than I look, trust me. If there was anyone to know how mature I am, it's her.

I know things beyond my years and I've felt pain worth a million years. I truly despise being downgraded and treated as if I were born no longer than two years ago. I am older in soul than I am in years.

I hate it, but I hate her more.

I hate her, but I hate me more.

There was no reason, she had no right. No fucking right to do what she did. She can't compare me to children without saying she was a child and absolutely stupid once. She can't treat me like that and expect me to be okay with it. I used to think she was the one that saved me, but she's not. I haven't been saved.

I haven't been saved. I'm suffocating. I'm dying. I'm drowning even more with her here. Everyone is suffocating. Everything is drowning me.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Someone, please, help me.

I haven't been saved. I'm never going to be saved. I can't save myself, I'm not capable. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this all on my own. I wish - I wish. I wish i wish i wish I wish I wish. I fucking wish. I just want to be normal. I want to hear something not let it make my ears bleed. I want to live without wanting something to distract me from the pain of every breath I breathe. I want freedom.

I need fresh air. I realize it now.

I need to get out of here as fast as I can. Away from her, away from them, away from my past, away from myself.

Far far away.

- Harry

——

I just walked out on my sister treating me like a child. Sorry, these words hold true meaning to me. This is all written on impulse with what I am thinking and feeling right now.

okay. bye.

- hannah