Where ☹ Muke

III ; it's time to let go, time to start believing.

« clifford »

I looked at Ashton watching as he continued to giggle, his face was cherry red and his smile highlighted his face and well he looked fucking adorable and it was killing me, more like my parents would kill me. "So Mikey, are you going to go to MVHS, because that's where I go and like we could totally hang out!" He squealed making me smile.

He's so happy.

I want to be like him.

It's normal.

Why aren't I normal?

"Yeah, actually I am so you should show me around a bit, I haven't been here since like year seven."

"Dude they've completely renovated since then!"

"It's about damn time." He giggled again biting his lip deep in thought for a moment.

"Wait did you have any friends here, maybe they still go here or like I know about them?"

"I used to have one friend, literally one friend because I was shy and anxious but his name was Luke." I frowned slightly at the mention of his name, I really miss him but I also left him and I was planning on leaving him for good, not coming back six years later as a slightly better person because if anything I'd rather be dead than see him again.

"Please tell me you don't mean Hemmings." He grimaced making me furrow my eyebrows. "He's the biggest asshole in school now, something about his girlfriend leaving him a while back and leaving him broken hearted because she didn't tell him she was leaving. It's a pretty stupid reason to be a jerk I mean we were only twelve, there's no way he was in love with her."

"Maybe I'll just stay away from him then, it's not like he would recognize me anyway." I smirked thinking back koto my slight transformation.

"What does that mean?" I laughed quietly walking to where my notebook lay on my bed pulling out a Polaroid picture of me and Luke.

We were about eleven, my pudgy body looking large and awkward compared to his noodle-like appearance, my hair was a dirty blonde in a layered fringe practically covering my eye, I was awkward and ugly in other words. We had our arms linked together and were smiling at one another, I remember the day.

His mom had completely caught us off guard as we were talking about a new song we'd both liked, we talked excitedly realizing we liked the same music. She snapped the picture making us divert our attention to her sheepish smile and laughed, leaning on one another for support -- nothing funny had happened, we just laughed around each other too often.

"This is what I mean dear Ashy." I said handing him the photo watching his facial expression completely contour to astonishment as he looked from to photo to me with his mouth gaping.

"YOU MADE PUBERTY YOUR BITCH." He screeched looking down at the photo and back up to me once again making me laugh -- he could say whatever he wants but it doesn't change me, I may be slightly more attractive but I was still ugly.

"Ashton," I whispered suddenly remembering something, "what time is it."

"8:45 why?"

"Shit, fuck." I muttered running to the kitchen to get a bottle of water, I could dry swallow my pills but that leaves a nasty ass aftertaste.

"Don't fucking swear!" He giggled.

I didn't find it funny, I braced myself for the force of my moms palm. I stood there with my eyes clenched shit and my body tense, flinching at the memory of her past abuse. There's no way she really changed is there, she just thinks I'm somebody I'm not. I slowly opened one us still holding my hands up in defense.

"Mikey are you okay?" He asked in the most serious voice I've heard from him so far, he stepped forward, I stepped back.

We continued in that pattern until I was pressed against the wall and his confused expression was more vivid -- more heartbreaking. "A-are you scared of me?" His voice was quite, broken in a way like a record that hadn't been played in a while.

I shook my head walking past him to my bag and pulling out the blue medication planner, I hated it but it was the only way I'd remember what to take because let's face it I'm too lazy to check the bottle. Placing the five pills in my palm I shot them back and hurried to chug my water. "Sorry about that, I spaced out."

"Why were you so scared, Mikey you scared me."

"I'll tell you someday, for now let's just get to know each other." I smiled hoping it would look realistic when honestly -- I was just wanting to finish all the pills in my container.

« time skip »

I sighed seeing Ashton had fallen asleep sprawled across my bed with his head in my lap, we were watching Mean Girls when he'd laid down and I'd played with his hair. Apparently it was enough the make the poor lad fall asleep calmly.

Slowly I lifted his head from my lap replacing my thigh with a pillow as I crept out of the room and ventured off to the living room. I looked around seeing that everybody was asleep, it was a disgusting sight honestly -- a dozen sweaty men laying across our couch and floor, I wouldn't mind so much if they were attractive young men. Instead I'd received men with beer guts and Cheetos in their beards.

I padded in the kitchen instead looking to see what we had in the fridge seeing as my stomach was practically barking at me, I saw a pudding cup and decided that was enough to fill my stomach and I wouldn't gain weight excessively.

Eat a carrot boy, a baby carrot that is don't you see how fat you've become?

I looked down seeing that my toes barely stuck out below my protruding stomach and put the chocolate swirl back in the fridge and dug in the back for a bag of carrots taking out the smallest one and nibbling on it. When I finished it off I washed my hands for probably the thirtieth time today -- a habit I can't seem to get rid of -- and made my way back to my room.

Ashton sprawled out on my bed peacefully making me groan slightly, I wouldn't mind him taking the bed if I knew for sure he wouldn't see the stains on the bed. I'm sure I wouldn't want to wake up in a strangers bed that smelled like sweat and was covered in dry blood so I threw a blanket over him and stole a pillow off the bed before making my way to the beanbag chair.

I curled up trying to get as comfortable as possible seeing as I have trouble with sleeping it wasn't napping, I heard my door begin to creak open as I lay as still as possible. Footsteps plagued the silence as the person crept towards me before I felt a blanket drape over me.

"I can't believe I ever left you." They kissed my forehead and the door quietly shut as I lay in shock, there's no way that was actually my dad.