Falling Hopelessly

Chapter 15

Harry was kind of hurt, he had no clue why Snape brushing off his care for him had hurt him so much but it had. Still standing outside of Snape's bedroom door and feeling awkward for showing any concern for the man just for it to end with it being brushed off by Snape.
'The first time I go and show any concern for the git and he just ignores it!' Harry stood there, fists clenched and tears threatening to fall, without thinking about what he was doing his awkwardness turned into anger as he began to angrily bang on Snape's door and shout. He was banging on the door so hard that the side of his hand began to hurt but he just ignored it, "What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Snape?! I've done nothing but try and be friends with you! I'm trying to get to know you and have civil conversations with you, you bloody git! Yet all you do is sit here and continue to be an arse!!"

All of a sudden the bedroom door swung open and Harry's fist came in contact with Snape's chest. Blushing furiously as he began to stutter, "Professor, I'm so sorry! I didn't think you were going to open the door so suddenly! I really didn't mean to hit you! Seriously I-" He was flustered, not only because he had just hit his professor because he was throwing a fit but the feel of Snape's chest. Snape grabbed his wrist and held it, "Do you have any idea of some of the things I've done, Potter? Some of those things which have affected you, might I add."
Harry had barely heard the older man and gulped, "Do you?!" Harry jumped and his heart began to beat a million miles per hour, "I'm sorry? I- what does that have to do with anything?" Severus scoffed at the young man, "What does that have to do with anything?! It has everything to do with it! You're doing nothing but try and build some sort of acquaintanceship and you know nothing of me!" Harry was at a loss for words, he had no idea what had brought Snape to this level of anger and this subject. "Sir, I'm sorry for banging on your door. I'm just tired of being enemies, its been like this ever since I've stepped into this castle! I was eleven! Eleven! And I was hated by you, you made some of my time here at Hogwarts a living hell and-"

"That alone should be enough to drive you away from any sort of 'friendship' with me! Do you realize how foolish you sound?! Wanting to play friends with a man who has done nothing but plague your life with hate and misfortune!" Harry could feel the tears starting to form in his eyes, he struggled to pull his hand away from Snape with no success, "You want to be friends?! Fine! Let's sit down and have a little chat why don't we?!" He pulled him and Harry towards the sitting area and sat, facing the boy in one of the armchairs by the fire.
Harry sat there, slightly frightened, holding his wrist and looking at Snape waiting for him to start. They sat there for a moment, silent, until Snape had decided to start, "What do you think you know of me, Mr.Potter?" Harry gulped and scratched the back of his neck.
"Um, well, you're the Potions Master here at Hogwarts, you're very hard on all of your students in fact I think you only like about 1 or 2 of your students, maybe. I know that you get terribly sick every winter, I know that despite all the harsh words you throw at the Headmaster, you truly admire the man and see him as a form of a father figure. And I know that your behavior is just a façade... I'm not saying that if you could, you'd be the nicest person but people definitely wouldn't fear you as much as they do right now." there was a pause, Snape cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, "By now I know how you take your tea, I know that you and my mother were close friends, and I know that every morning on your way to the bathroom for your shower you always hit your shin on a trunk that you remind yourself to move but have yet to do so." By now Snape was leaning forward in his chair looking at Harry with wide eyes, an uncharacteristic blush forming. Harry sat there, fidgeting awkwardly and also blushing, looking down at the floor. Snape cleared his throat and looked away towards the flames in the fireplace, his face growing more red by the second. Harry sighed and looked at Snape, "Look, sir, I know stuff about you but of course I don't know your life story. But that's a part of building a friendship or an acquaintanceship." Snape leaned back into his chair and thought for a moment, looking at Harry with a look that couldn't be deciphered, he spoke, "I'm going to tell you something before I let you make your final decision. Listen well," Harry gulped and relaxed into the chair, determined to make sure he listened to Snape carefully. "Has the Headmaster ever spoke to you about the prophecy? About your parents?" Harry took a moment to remember, "Of course he's talked about the prophecy with me but I don't think he has ever brought up my parents. What does this-"

"Has it ever crossed your mind on how the Dark Lord managed to hear of said prophecy?" Harry shook his head 'No' and Snape continued. "I was there that night, when Trelawney told Albus of it. At the time I had just joined the Dark Lords forces, eager to get any information I could to my Lord, I ran to him and told him immediately, not knowing that it would be your mother that it effected." there was a stretched moment of silence, "If I had known it was about you I wouldn't have spoken a word of it. When I had heard that your mother was to be a victim of the Dark Lord I pleaded with Albus to keep her safe, in return, I would work for Albus as a spy for the Light."
Harry sat there, trying to take in everything he had just heard, barely giving him a moment to think, Snape continued.

"I went to Godric's Hollow that night... I mourned the loss of my only friend on the floor of your bedroom. I realize now that my hatred for your Father does not excuse how poorly I've treated you since arriving here but I was still too full of anger and hatred to get over it."

Harry stared at the man, thinking, unable to come up with a reason as to why Snape would think this would change anything. He cleared his throat and looked up at the older man, "I'm sorry, sir, but I still don't understand what that has to do with us. I mean, yeah, I didn't have my parents growing up but I don't think you could be to blame for that." Snape stared at the boy as if he has just grown three heads, "Do you believe in Fate, Professor?" Snape snapped himself out of staring at the boy and nodded.

Of course he did, he felt that cold and chilling grasp of Fate many times, that night of the prophecy included. "Yes, Mr.Potter, I do." Harry just gave a small and sad smile and shrugged, "I'm sure that night was determined by Fate years before it happened, sir. I can't blame you for something you had no control of, I've felt the unfair hand of Fate too many times in my life to do so. I'd hate it if someone blamed me for something that was decided for me..." Snape continued to stare at the boy, barely able to mask his surprise and confusion, "Potter, just because Fate sees it so, does not mean that we are stripped of our free will." Harry looked at the man, seeming to not quite grasp what he meant.

Snape sighed and resisted the urge to rub his temples in irritation. "Even if Fate has most things written out already, Potter, our free will remains and just affects some outcomes of said Fate." Harry seemed to soak up all that he was being told, "I still don't think that-"

Snape began to growl and grit his teeth, "If you wish to have your life decided for you then be my guest! I, on the other hand, will not allow my life to be manipulated as though I am some puppet on a string!" the other man sat there quietly, deciding on how to approach the subject. He opened his mouth but sighed once he realized that nothing he said would please the man, he just deflated in his seat, "I'm sorry."
The Potions Master looked at him with a raised eyebrow but said nothing, they simply sat there, in a tense silence.