Falling Hopelessly

Chapter 12

(A/N: This chapter will have mentions and acts of self harm later on. I included this because it would definitely have this effect on anyone at Harry's age and what hes gone through. Now, i am not saying that everyone with depression self harms but i wanted to put some of myself into my story and this is just some if the things that i did while i was in a very, very bad point in my life. If you or anyone you know are having thoughts of self harm or s*icide then please talk to someone, i am always open to talk if you need/want)

                              ~•~

Snape sighed as he took off his reading glasses and set them to the side, his potion-stained fingers coming up to rub his eyes. He looked up at Harry and started, "Potter.. I'm sure you're well aware that what you did was in fact, wrong." he paused as he acknowledged Harrys nod and continued. "However, I myself found it quite justified and understandable. Malfoy certainly knows that the use of magic on the Quidditch Pitch is not allowed and he was certainly aware of his actions, perhaps not the severity of it, but the he was aware it was wrong nonetheless." Harry sighed and his shoulder sagged, "So what's my punishment, Sir?" Snape sat back and crossed his arms, "That all depends on the Headmaster, Potter. If it were me, I would award you house points and send you on your way. Malfoy's been asking for it ever since he stepped foot into this school. And if Albus were to assign you detention, presumably with me, I wouldn't be opposed to letting you just sit in the classroom and do whatever you please." Harry was shocked and it definitely showed on his face.
He opened his mouth and then quickly closed it, he didn't even know what to say. He looked at Snape quizzically, "Are you alright? Have you come onto a cold, Professor? You've been scaring me these past few days." Snape almost let out a small chuckle but instead switched it for a grunt.
He stood and looked at Harry, "Perhaps, Potter, you just have no clue as to who I truly am. Not that I ever gave you implication that I wanted you to. Only two people know the way I truly am and for the time being I intend to keep it that way." Harry thought about it, of course he didn't know who he truly was and given how Snape's been treating him and his friends, of course he's never thought that he'd be any different with anyone else. "Sir," he looked up at Snape and tilted his head, "I'm assuming one of the two people are Dumbledore.. But, who's the other?" Snape seemed to clench his jaw but relaxed it a second later, "Professor Dumbledore, Potter. And yes, of course the Headmaster is one of the only people to know me. I have no desire to share anything with you, what even gave you that idea." Harry just sighed and nodded his head, standing now he stretched and bid Snape a quick goodnight to get out of the possible angry Snape situation he may have put himself in. As he was walking to his door, just before he reached it he heard Snape sigh and begin to talk softly, "The other person was your mother."
Harry almost facepalmed, 'Of course, I should've guessed the other to be my mum. I literally saw them together as kids in my 5th year.' Harry turned around and wiped his palms on his pants, "Of course, I should've known that, Sir." there was a pause between them when Harry finally decided to speak, "I don't think I ever properly apologized for my 5th year, Sir. I really am sorry." Snape seemed to try and keep himself calm as he realized what Harry was apologizing for. Snape sighed and thought that he should finally clear up this situation, "It's in the past, Potter. As shocking as it may seem, I couldn't hold a grudge over something like this. I feel that if you didn't see those memories then you would still hold your father in such high regard." Harry looked shocked, eyes wide and his eyebrows disappearing under his hair. "O-of course, Professor. Are you sure you're alright? I can go get Madame Pomfrey." Snape let out a small chuckle and waved the thought away as he told Harry he was going to bed, leaving Harry standing outside his bedroom door trying to figure out what happened. After a few minutes of standing there, still not comprehending what just happened, he shook his head and went into his room.

‼️⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️‼️

‼️IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS THEN YOU CAN GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER‼️

Quietly closing the door behind him, he made his way to his bed and sat down, he sighed and looked down at his covered torso, he took off his shirt and removed his glamours. Glaring at his scar covered body, the thoughts of the past few years went through his mind. The abuse from the Dursleys, the constant fear of Voldemort looming over him, and now the harassment from the students because of his sexuality. He was itching to harm himself, he searched around the drawer of his bedside table for his something useless to transfigure into a blade. Finally finding an old post-it note, he grabbed his wand and turned it into a blade. He took a deep breath in and began to drag the sharp metal across the skin of his ribs and biceps, hissing as the blade sunk into pretty deep at random times. After finishing he looked down at himself and grimaced, he hated that he had to put up a constant façade just to please everyone and trick them into thinking that their "Savior" was perfectly fine all the time, not that he would ever take down his façade even if everyone was fine with seeing him weak but the fact that everyone expected that of him was annoying. He put the muttered a quick untransfigure spell and put the once again post-it note back in the drawer, and cleaned up the trickling blood from off of him and threw his shirt and glamours back on. Throwing his legs over the side of his bed he put his head in his hands and sobbed, 'Why am I so weak that I had to once again turn to cutting to try and "fix" my problems..." He sobbed for about half an hour until he couldn't anymore, now curled up, he stared at the wall regretting what he had done once again.

(A/N: What Harry did and felt after he had self-harmed isn't what everyone would do or feel after doing that, as I had said before I wanted to put a little of myself into the story and so I used what I had done and felt into the story to show that people think/do/feel different things when handling self-harm and depression. If you or anyone you know is going through something like this please don't be scared to reach out and ask for help, if ever you need someone to talk to I am always willing to listen and talk to you.)