Letters Sent Above To The One I Love // Larry Stylinson

Taken

Dear H,

It's been over half a year since you left the world, your family and me. It still hurts more than I can bare. People are waiting for me to move on but I can't... 182 days is not long enough to grieve you, a whole lifetime is not long enough to grieve you.

I know in my last letter I seemed pretty done with them, but I just can't stay away from you. I count this as us talking and my last letter was a month ago? Maybe a little more. We've never not spoke for that long.

We took a friend break once, we were so stupid, weren't we? Who has a break from their friends?

It took you a while to get over it.

You was annoyed at me because you told me Taylor  had asked you out and you wanted my opinion.   Sadly, I didn't protest to the idea. I was scared you would judge me, question why I was so against it. Honestly, I think deep down you was waiting for me to speak up. I wanted to... I really did.

I let you go on that date, even though at this point we had been pretty intimate. Sex wasn't on my mind yet though, I was only 14. Okay so maybe it was, who can blame me. I blame puberty. Harry! I know you are laughing so stop, Because it was probably on your mind as well and you were a year younger than me! 

Anyway back to Taylor....

I cried my eyes dry the day you went to the movies with her. My throat was sore, eyes red and face lined with tear trails - it was not a good look. I was truly embarrassed with how much I cried but I couldn't help it I wanted you so bad. So I went round to your house and anxiously nocked on the door.

"Louis?"  Harry questioned with  eyes just as red as the boy that stood in front of him. He had fuzzy socks on and a blue dressing gown wrapping around his tall body. He immediately rolled the sleeves down.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah of course you can?" He stepped to the side, allowing Louis to enter. It felt so awkward and stiff as if Louis just caught Harry in the middle of something he shouldn't have.

"I came to apologise," They both stayed silent. Until, Louis took a deep breath and built up the courage to speak, " I realised that I don't want you to go on dates with Taylor."

"Oh..."

"Is that okay?"

"No," who knew a simple two letter word could take someone's breath away, "You only want me because I'm taken, you don't actually want me Louis... and that hurts, " He whispered looking down at the ground.

You were right about what you said when you answered the door; I didn't want you.

I needed you.

We didn't speak again after that. I know you weren't talking to Taylor due to her constant complaints on Facebook, So why did it take you a whole two weeks  to talk to me again?

When you finally did come round to my house, it felt like a weight had been lifted allowing me to breath. You repeated my exact words but to me, like you memorised it or had it carved into your skin. We spoke about a lot that day, about us but those three words never came up. Instead, we watched cheesy films and ate rubbish, laughing and hugging like nothing ever happened.

I miss that, when we could go back to acting like nothing happened. It's different now.

I still want you even though you have been taken away forever,

Lou x