Harry died at the young age of 17. It was a shame, he had so much to give. He was smart, beautiful and kind but he grew tired of worrying, tired of feeling insecure and tired of living.
So he stopped it all.
He finally did what was on his mind for...
I went Christmas shopping to find my mum and the girls the perfect present. They've been so good to me recently, always attempting to cheer me up and it works until, I see something that reminds me of you.
It happens more often than you would think. If I'm being honest, I don't mind it because it reminds me that even though you are no longer here with me, you're not completely gone because good memories are still close by.
For example, when I was shopping I remembered your last ever Christmas list. It had at least 15 items on, you always had been a spoilt child, spoilt in the best way. You knew what you wanted and would go for it straight away without much thinking.
How long did you contemplate doing this?
probably not long, because if you thought about the pain I would feel then you wouldn't have done it, would you? Did you want me to suffer?
No, I don't think you did.
I think you didn't want to suffer anymore and people do stupid things when they are in pain, things they can't take back. It's like your blinded and the only thing you can see is the end. I know, lately I've been close to the end myself.
Don't worry my mum already made me promise I wouldn't leave to be with you. I wish I could be with you. I miss you.
Well I'm going to stop thinking about that because I don't want the tears to smudge the letter, I don't think you took your glasses to heaven.
Anyway let's get back to the point, your list wasn't full of materialistic things at all. It was sweet just like you. I know you just cringed at that, I did too.
I actually have the list, I may have stolen it the day after you wrote it, when you weren't looking so I could figure out what to get you.
Hang on, let me go get it.
Found it.
Things I want for Christmas: 1. Snow 2. My cat to have kittens 3. Unlimited cookies, the ones my mum makes 4. Flowers 5. My grandma and grandad to be healthy 6. Gemma to get into uni 7. Friends dvd box set 8. Louis' parents to stop fighting 9. To find my missing beanie 10. Feel confident in my own skin 11. To never have to make my bed again 12. A guitar (if it's not too much to ask) 13. My mum to be proud of me 14. My seat on the school bus to always be free 15. To finally beat the lads at a game of fifa 16. Louis to always be happy, even when I'm gone.
I never understood the last one... but now I do.
Harry, Some of your wishes were impossible to promise, some did happen, for example: your sister got into uni, your grandparents are still here, your cat gave birth but you weren't here to meet the kittens, I found your beanie and I wear it when I miss you, my parents stopped arguing when they blocked each others numbers and technically it's snowing right now.
Despite all that, some wishes are impossible to fulfil just like my list this Christmas.
Do you want to see it?
Things I want for Christmas: 1. Harry
I will always want you forever,
Louis <3
P.s merry Christmas and happy birthday to me! I'm now 19! Im 19 and still in high school btw when you left it took a tole on work which made me stay back a year, a few of us stayed back a year actually. You didn't know the impact you had on peoples lives, how much you meant to them.
I'm also the adopted grandfather of your kittens (Darcy and....Angel - just like you.)
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