One Way Ticket to the Cuckoo's Nest

Part 5_ The past sucks 1

I heard a knock on the door. It completely removed me from my thoughts, probably for the best actually. The last place I want to be stuck in is my own head.

"Who is it?" I said slowly. No response, maybe I imagined it? Don't tell me I'm actually going crazy this time.

I got up to go check the door. It's been a week plus a couple of days since they put me in this place and things are starting to settle down. I mean, kind of? I'm over the whole "new strange and dangerous place" fear but... I can't quite explain it or put it in words in a way that makes me not sound crazy. But it feels like everyday that I stay here I'm a little bit more numb, a little bit less myself. It's probably in my head but I keep having these nightmares, that this place actually makes me lose my mind. And, after everything I've lost, my sanity, or what's left of it, it's the only thing I have to hold on too.

I opened the door just enough to see who it was.

"Go away Tate, I'm not in the mood for cheat chat"

When I was closing the door again he put his hand in the way, grabbing it, and making me open it all the way this time.

"Are you crazy? I could have broken your hand!" I took a breath "And next time I will. What do you want?"

"Well... you really gave me no choice. You've been avoiding me like we don't know each other since you got here " he looked serious, which was extremely unusual for him " I bet you haven't even told Dr Ellie about me, and about California? You can't run away from your past like this and pretend we don't exist, that I don't exist"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know I've made some mistakes, but I don't deserve to be ignored like this, no one does".

I realised something, there was something else going on. Something he wasn't telling me. This was probably just an excuse for me to let him in. Either way, it worked. I stepped aside to let him in and locked the door behind him. Once I saw that he was finally settling down I spoke.

"For your information I didn't tell Dr Ellie anything..." I lowered my gaze. The memories of those awful 4 sessions came back. We would just stare at each other. I couldn't force myself to speak, like my own body was shutting down, protecting me from disclosing classified information. It was probably because I always liked to be in control but lately, who knows? Each session she seemed to bare me a little bit less. Care for me a little bit less. Like the fact that I wasn't talking was a direct betrayal to her. I didn't like the way it was making me feel.

"Have you been talking to Violet?" He said so calmly and rationally with a low tone "How is she?"

"How do you think she is?" I said "After what you've done? You were the only person she thought she could trust and then you took advantage of her mother in a moment of weakness and tried to sleep with her. How do you think she feels?" I was so mad... I couldn't look at him. He was probably the reason I was sent to this hell hole in the first place. When things were finally getting better.

"Did she say that?"

"No"

"Then how do you know?"

"Well it doesn't take a fucking genius to figure it out. Does it?"

We didn't look at each other or talk for a moment. We both knew that if we pushed on this subject too far, furniture would start flying.

"So you haven't been talking to them either, humn? Are you scared?"

"Scared of what?"

"Scared to find out that they were probably the one who ditch you in here"