One Way Ticket to the Cuckoo's Nest

Ms Venable

Thanks to my little stunt last night, tonight I'm in detention with Ms Venable. Can't say I regret it though, I still get distracted thinking about that kiss. Now I was dragged out of the comfort of my room to the basement, organizing old and musty files. Fucking boring, but at least I'm in good company. And it helps me get my mind off of that kiss. It was a mistake. I need to start to think clearly, do you remember what happened last time you didn't? You were left in a dirty gas station on the side of the highway with nothing and no one. I can't let that happen again... I just can't, I don't think I could survive it again. Am I going to live my life with fear forever because of what Anna did? I rationally knew that was what's going on but I couldn't help it. What started by making me feel free and happy was now making me feel like shit again, like drugs... the story of my fucking life and I was just so tired of it.

Miss Venable noticed I was completely lost in my own head and cleared her through.

"You know you can't just go around breaking rules whenever you feel like it? They exist for a reason".

I took a second before answering.

"I know" sheesh... even I could hear how beat up I sounded " but, and don't get this the wrong way, when you take about a handful of pills with vodka to make everything disappear, breaking a curfew seems kind of shallow and... insignificant. Everything does actually"

"I understand" she said, she didn't really show emotions in her words, she was a hard one to read and that was very intriguing for me "Do you still think about doing it?"

I looked at her for a second to try and figure out what she wanted with that question.

"What's the point? I'm pretty sure I'm immortal or something"

"You didn't answer my question" she gave me a commanding look.

"I have bad days and good days like everyone else. When I think the idea is gone it comes back. They say it's a shitty combination of how my brain is wired plus some shitty experiences. But I go one day at a time"

"I say this because I care about you... a lot..." she seemed a bit hurted by what I said. "Irrelevant things like curfews and rules create a structured environment that can help you suppress those feelings. What you and Dr Staple did last night...'' Now she seemed real angry but did the best to hide it, an Oscar worthy performance " It was reckless and it can trigger something. I don't want you close to her like that again"

"I can't do that, she's still my therapist"

"I've seen your sessions, you never talk. If you need to, you can come to me. You will come to me".

I looked her in the eye, there was something I had never seen in her before.

"You're right, it's no use hiding, but I can't do that. I'll just tell her the truth, it was a mistake, we were both vulnerable, things happen. The lights and shit, it was the perfect petri dish for fake feelings. She's a therapist, I'm sure she will agree" I thought for a while, disrupting the rhythm of the conversation "You saw the kiss... how long were you there?"

"Long enough"

As strange as it might seem I wasn't really freaked out by that statement. It's so weird but after all that happened I really prefer the feeling of someone watching me then the feeling of being alone to myself. I couldn't trust myself to not fuck up, last night was the living proof.

"Dr Staple told me the reason you were there in the first place was because you couldn't sleep. I can give you some medication to help you with that if you w-"