I think I'm imagining the voice, then I think I imagine her.
"Stop! I'm so sorry sir-" I wave a hand and the person who is supposed to ensure no one gets up here stops speaking.
I should have known she'd ruin everything.
I didn't really think she'd care though, not like this.
Her brown eyes looked wide and scared, like a deer in headlights.
I notice her hands are shaking and her hair is a mess.
And she clearly wasn't at the club for fun because she was wearing sweats and a thin tank top.
"Ethan?" Hearing her say my name makes me internally wince.
I keep my face composed though.
I stand up and look down at her.
She doesn't move, standing her ground surprisingly well.
Better than most when confronted with the intensity of my gaze.
"Go." I say simply.
I see Lilly's shoulders slump, her eyes getting wider.
"I'll escort her out now-"
"Not her, you. If you're not gone by the time I'm done blinking you'll lose your job." I move my eyes from hers, watching the vip bouncer turn and leave quicker than I would have thought possible for a human.
When the door shuts I look back down at Lilly.
"Your turn." I didn't mean it. And luckily she knew it.
"No thanks." She sounded more confident than she looked.
"Figures." I mumble, grabbing her arm and moving toward the door.
She pulls her arm free from my lose grip and walks over to the couch in the corner.
She sits and crosses her legs as though she never felt more at home.
"Go."
She pretends not to hear me.
"This is nice. Quieter than downstairs."
I rub my temples.
"Lilly-" I start, my resolve slipping.
This is what was best though.
"No. I'm not leaving." She states simply.
I stay quiet as she stand and moves over to the window on the far wall. She pulls the blinds up and peers down at the dancing crowd.
From here they looked crazy, dancing in off beat ways to music we couldn't hear.
"Who's the lucky girl?" She asks, standing on her tippy toes as though unbothered by where the conversation was going.
That hurt more than I cared to admit.
She had seen my plan. Meaning she knew I'd try to get drunk enough to hook up with someone then find a quiet spot.
No one would be bothered. It would just be me, alone.
"Don't know." I respond. She nods thoughtfully.
"Why do you need a girl for this?"
I could practically hear her disappointment and that makes my resolve grow more firm.
She would be better off without me.
"Figure I should die doing something fun." Her face remains passive.
She nods, humming thoughtfully.
"I always thought that's how we'd go out." She comments, nodding as though sharing a private joke with herself.
I wince, grabbing the glass beside me and finishing it off.
I would need alcohol if I was going to get rid of her.
"No. Not us. Me."
She frowns.
"I can't come with?" She sits beside me, crossing her legs.
She looked so childish and innocent. Sitting in a club no one her age would be allowed in, in her sweats, criss cross.
I almost ask her how she did it but I quickly stop myself.
"You want to come with me?" I scoff.
She shrugs, rolling her eyes.
"If you're asking if I'd shy away from a threesome then you're not as smart as I thought."
A dry chuckle escapes my lips.
"Touché." I say finally.
We fall into silence.
I feel her eyes on me while I stare straight ahead.
"You know it would hurt right?" I shake my head.
"I'd be quick, pretty painless." I disagree.
A gun to head wouldn't do it, so I'd just use enough vampire venom to make me drop dead.
When I look down and see tears in her eyes I realize what she means.
I want to hug her.
I feel my stomach hurt as I image how it would feel to hold her.
Not through my brothers head or in my imagination, but in real life.
I'd smell her sweet scent and wouldn't have to let her go...
"You'll be fine." My voice was so quiet I wonder if she even hears it.
"No." She shakes her head quickly.
I start to speak but she beats me to it.
"Im not okay giving up on you. That's why I'm here. Im not okay giving up on this, because I know where it could go."
She sniffles, swiping the back of her hand across her cheek and I swear everything else disappears, and it's like I see her for the first time again.
"I've seen us happy E. I know it gets better. I know theirs going to be a time where you don't have to pretend to be happy. No more mourning. No more being alone."
She doesn't miss a beat before continuing.
"I know how much I love you, and one day that will be reciprocated. I wanna get to have your kids. I wanna watch everything I've seen come true and that can't happen if-"
Her voice cracks and she winces.
I hated seeing her cry, it broke my heart.
She keeps her eyes closed as she continues and it pains me to know what she must be seeing.
What must have brought her here.
But I was numb at this point. I had been sad for so long after my parents that now life was just a dull task I didn't want to finish.
"You might think it doesn't get better but it does, I promise. Just give it a chance." She was begging now.
"Raiden and Damon make you happy-" I protest. she shakes her head.
"They do. But you know it's not the same without you."
With that she falls silent, the only sound her soft sobs.
"I can't talk you out of it?" She looks up at me, waiting for a response.
It takes a moment to answer, the words barely forming in my head before I speak them aloud.
"If anyone could it, I guess it would be you."
🥲
