Impulse (NaNoWriMo)

~3~

~~~~~~~~(2 months later)~~~~~~~

I can't deal with this town. I can't deal with these people. I can't deal with this life.

Not without her.

Grace passed away two months ago today, and today is the day I am leaving. I am getting out of here and I'm not looking back. I don't care how much my parents don't want me to go, I don't care that I have to go to college in exactly 45 days. I don't care.

I need to find myself again. I need to be happy. Sitting around here constantly reminded of my dead sister isn't helping the problem.

"Faith you don't have to do this," my mother tried to change my mind from the doorway of my bedroom, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Yes I do mom. I won't get into any trouble. I'll be safe, I promise," I assured her, hauling my bags over my shoulder and walking over to her. I was ready to leave but she was blocking my path.

"Call me when you can. Not when you are driving though. Stay off the roads at night. Try to be back a week before school starts. We love you," she finished and gave me a tight hug

"I love you too mom," I told her, hating how everything she had just told me was because of what happened to Grace. I used to call her when I was driving through bluetooth, but she didn't want me to do that anymore. I used to drive all night long all over, but I couldn't do that either. I used to have another sister my parents could worry about, but I didn't have that anymore either.

I stumbled down the stairs and to the garage where my dad was waiting. He had the keys to the black Pontiac G6 and the keys to the old white Honda Accord in his hand. I had told him I was taking the Accord, but he didn't understand why.

"I can't drive that thing," I explained, gesturing at the shiny black car in front of me. I couldn't drive it because it was the car I shared with her. There were too many memories of learning to drive together and taking long road trips in the summer, just the two of us.

"Faith this car is a lot less reliable. I don't want it breaking down when you are out there on the road," my dad tried to change my mind, but I wasn't budging.

"I'm sure I can figure it out," I lied. I knew absolutely nothing about cars besides how to put gas in the tank.

"Faith-"

"Don't fight me on this dad, please," I interrupted him as I slammed the trunk closed. Everything was ready to go. I was ready to go.

My dad opened his mouth to say something but my mom caught his arm and held him by her side.

"We love you," she repeated her words from upstairs.

"We do," my dad confirmed his wife's words.

"I love you too," I completed the dialogue and gave them each a hug.

Now that is was actually time for me to leave, I felt slightly nervous, but what I really wanted to do was get on the road. I needed to drive, it had always worked to calm me down.

"Alright! Goodbye!" I said, a little too cheerfully. I took the keys from my dad's grasp and ducked into the car. I started the engine and began to back out of the driveway. Once I was in the street I put it in drive and didn't look back until I was at the end of the road where I could go right and leave, or turn around then and there.

I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw my parents standing at the end of our drive waving me off. I wiped a single tear from my eye and flicked on the right turn signal. I was leaving, and I wasn't coming back until I felt read. Whenever that was going to be.

I had decided on going on this road trip almost a month ago. It was right around the time the casseroles stopped coming and the lingering stares at the grocery store went away. I felt like everyone was moving on. Everyone but me.

My parents had slowly begun to clean out my sisters room, although most of it remained the same. They donated some of her clothes to charities, they sold some of her furniture at an auction, but everything that made Grace's room hers was still there.

The lava lamp I bought her for her 9th birthday still sat on her desk which was covered with little sketches she drew when she was tired of doing her homework. Her bookshelf full of journals was left untouched, and I wondered if any of them would ever be opened again. Would it be weird to read your dead sisters innermost thoughts? Some were from when we were in 5th grade. I doubt those could be that private.

Either way I just couldn't handle her all around me. I loved her. I did. I still do, but I can't keep wishing she was here. I have to accept that she is gone and isn't coming back. God, now I sound like one of therapists my parents dragged me to.

I drove west to begin with. I had to get out of this town, out of this state. Did I mention my sister even made the news? Like the actual statewide news! How tragic it was that "one of the brightest, most talented future students of the prestigious Indiana University was taken from us too soon." No mention of her sister, her twin sister, who got a better grade than the late Grace Valenti in calculus all of senior year. Nope. I don't think anyone even knew she had a sister. For all they cared about, she was an only child ripped from her devastated parents' grasps just as they were about to set her free to go to college only 15 minutes down the road.

I sound bitter. I don't mean to be. Honest. It's just that as sad and as tore up as I was, the evil twisted side of me saw this as a blessing. No more will I have to live in her shadow. No more will I have to be 'the other one' when it comes to me and my sister.

I really need to stop. I cranked up the music and rolled the windows down. This was my time to find me. I needed to forget about everything I knew. I needed to find out what made me who I am, without people trying to tell me how I should feel.

That's probably what bugged me the most. Everyone was saying things like, "I know you are probably extremely upset..." Really? No, I thought I would be overjoyed. Or, my personal favorite, "Grace would be so proud of how well you are handling this." Don't you dare tell me what my sister would be feeling right now! Are people really that inconsiderate and stupid! She was my sister! Obviously I know how she would be feeling! I didn't spend the last eighteen years of my life with her or anything.

This music was not helping.

Maybe a starbucks stop would calm my nerves. I was just on the outskirts of Bloomington when I saw the sign appear. Perfect. I can grab a vanilla bean frappuccino and get going. I wanted to make it through Illinois by tomorrow so I needed to keep myself on schedule. My goal was San Francisco in a week's time. I didn't want to rush, but I didn't want to take forever either. I had time. I wanted to enjoy myself.

I pulled into a parking spot rather abruptly and got out, making sure to slam the door for no apparent reason. I guess I could have just gone through the drive through, but too late now since I was already halfway through the door.

Of course, there was at least 6 people in line since it was around 7 in the morning on a Monday. I felt severely out of place considering everyone else in line was in business suits and fancy clothes and there I was in leggings and my favorite Indiana sweatshirt. Oh well, they can deal with it.

After waiting for what felt like forever I was just about to order when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I almost didn't turn around. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with people today, but I was raised better so I put on a fake smile and turned on my heels to see my tapper friend.

"Faith."

My name hung in the air between us for a moment before I could think of what to say, because of course of all the people in the world that could be standing behind me in line at Starbucks, it had to be Vince Romano.