Funny Quotes

Part 4 (:

I wanna be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hate when you introduce two friends and they become better friends with each other than you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My diet could be described as "Unchaperoned child at a birthday party"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever wanna cuddle with your boyfriend then realized you don't have one?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When some says "delete my number". I'm like: Keep calm it was never saved

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: I should get in he shower. *2 hours later someone starts the shower* Me: Oh my gosh I was JUST about to get in there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who invented hugs? I mean the first hug would have been so awkward. "What are you doing, why are you holding me?!" "Shhh just trust me"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Goes online shopping* *Puts everything I want in a cart* *checks subtotal* *Laughs and closes tab*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With age comes new skills. You can laugh, cough, sneeze and pee all at the same time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm always a little disappointed when I walk away from my car and it doesn't explode after I press the lock button.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?....................................................Where's my tractor?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tried runway modeling once. It was a huge disaster, Now, I'm not allowed back at the airport

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing really prepares you for when your cell phone rings while you're fake talking on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If history repeats itself, I really want a dinosar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good mothers let you lick the beaters while making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he'll never hav any friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whatever i'll date myself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey since you're up can you-" *sits down*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you ever look at your friends and just think: "wow we're gonna be weird adults"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever i'm depressed I cut myself.............................a piece of cake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Math, I am sick and tired of finding your x. Just accept the fact that she is gone. MOVE ON DUDE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laughing so hard that no noise comes out and you jst sit there clapping like a retard seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That awkward moment when you see twins fighting and one of them calls the other ugly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Let's eat Grandma" or "Let's eat, Grandma"- Punctutaton saves lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*passionately sings the wrong line to a song*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love eminem!" "I like Skittles better." "No. the rapper you idiot..." " You're the idiot, what's so good about an M&M wrapper?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Clean your room, family are coming over." ..... "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize the gathering would be hely in my bedroom."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you" ...... " Yeah.... So is a grenade."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vote,comment, add to library, tell friends. Thanks! <333