Touch Me [sakuatsu]

Day 1

[A/N: I want to preface this by saying that Sakusa is depicted in this story as someone who doesn't like people touching him. For the purposes of the plot, he believes this makes him strange (he calls himself a "freak") and he wants very badly to change and to get more comfortable with physical touch.

For the record, I want to say I don't think people who prefer not to be touched are freaks. Not at all! There are lots of people who have reservations about touching others. Everyone is different in their preferences and that is perfectly okay. Again, for the purposes of the plot, Sakusa feels this way and says these things, but it is not my opinion or something I am implying is true!]

Sakusa's college volleyball team had just won a match against a really strong opponent and all of the players were super pumped up heading back to the locker room. Hinata was going around giving high fives and high tens, but when he got to Sakusa, who he knew didn't like to be touched, he skipped over him, causing one of the older players to make a joke.

"Don't touch Sakusa-kun. He doesn't want your nasty germs." Laughter from a few players followed. Hinata just sort of shrugged and moved to his next teammate. After he had finished, he and the others showered and changed. The locker room slowly emptied out until only Atsumu, who was known to be exceptionally slow at showering and dressing, and Sakusa. Atsumu was getting ready to leave when he noticed Sakusa hunched over on the bench.

"Omi-kun, are ya alright?" Atsumu asked as he examined his friend's back. When he got no response he went to check on his friend, and as he got closer, noticed that Kiyoomi had his face buried in his hands. He got closer and went to put a hand on the spiker's shoulder but remembered that he didn't like to be touched. Instead, Atsumu sat down, leaving a foot of space between them.

"Omi-kun, what's wrong?" He waited silently for one minute, then two. Finally, Sakusa raised his head and looked sideways at his teammate, but then looked down at the floor. Atsumu softly gasped. Sakusa had tears in his eyes, threatening to spill onto his cheeks, though they hadn't done that yet.

Atsumu was shocked. He had never seen Sakusa really even flustered, never mind upset and crying. It was unnerving to say the least. He waited to see if his friend would respond, not wanting to pry too much.

At length, Sakusa said, "This is stupid" and nothing else. Atsumu quietly waited again, sensing more would be said.

"It ... bothers me when they make those jokes," Sakusa finally admitted. Atsumu's eyes opened wide for a moment as he took in this surprising news.

"Oh, Omi-omi, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were sensitive about that. I'll tell them to stop, it won't happen again." Sakusa nodded but still hung his head as his elbows rested on his knees.

Atsumu recognized that his friend might speak again, so he waited patiently. After a few more quiet moments, Sakusa added, "I'm a freak."

"What?" exclaimed Atsumu. "What do ya mean?"

Sakusa inhaled deeply and straightened his back. At last he chanced a look at his teammate. "I'm a freak because I don't like people touching me. It scares me. That's not normal."

"Well," agreed Atsumu, "It's not common but I wouldn't say it's not normal."

Sakusa shook his head slightly as if to disagree. "I've never been touched by anyone. Except my family."

"Okay, so what? That's not a big deal."

"Miya-san, no one has ever touched me. I've never gotten close to anyone. At all. In any way." Eventually Atsumu grasped Sakusa's meaning and the realization was a bit startling.

"You mean... you never, er, dated anyone?"

Sakusa laughed but it had a grim undertone. "No. Never. Like I said, I'm a freak." He still avoided eye contact with his teammate, out of embarrassment and fear.

Well, do you want to, ya know, date and um, touch people?"

Sakusa laughed again. "Yeah. But, it doesn't matter, because it's not like I will ever be able to be in a relationship."

Atsumu sat silently, taking in the situation. "Well, what if ya practiced?" Sakusa's head snapped up as he gazed at his friend.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean practice letting people touch ya and you touch them back. Like ya start on the hand and get used to that, then you let them touch yer shoulder. Ya know, then your face. You'd like, work up to it."

Sakusa looked thoughtful for a moment, but then he said, "Who am I going to 'practice' with?"

"Well," said Atsumu, "I'm your friend. If you trust me, I could practice with ya." Sakusa's dark eyes bored into Atsumu's looking for any sign of jest or ridicule, but finding none, asked "Really?"

"Sure!" replied Atsumu brightly. "We can practice starting right now if ya want." Sakusa looked back at the floor and debated. Could he do this? He could at least try, right? If he didn't at least attempt to overcome this fear, he would just shrivel up and die having never felt a lover's caress. And that was too depressing to consider. So he decided to have some courage and try.

"Thank you, Miya-san. I'd ... I'd like to try."

Atsumu smiled warmly. "It's gonna be okay, Omi-kun, I just know it. Do you ... want to start now?" Sakusa's gulp was audible, but he nodded with determination.

"How about I just touch the back of yer hand lightly with my fingers? Does that sound okay?" Sakusa nodded again, as he internally tried to stifle a scream. His heart was thudding in his chest and he began to feel a little lightheaded, but he could do this. He had to try.

Atsumu very slowly raised his hand and steadily moved toward where Sakusa's hand was resting on his knee. Atsumu was trying to make sure he didn't startle his friend. After a moment, the tips of his fingers made gentle contact with the back of Sakusa's hand. Sakusa wanted to flinch, but managed to hold steady.

Atsumu left his fingers there for several seconds, letting Kiyoomi get used to the sensation of his touch. Kiyoomi felt uncomfortable at first, but as the seconds wore on, he began to feel less threatened by the touch and his heart started to slow to a normal rhythm.

After about a minute, Atsumu spoke gently, "See, Omi-kun? I knew ya could do it. Ya just gotta practice." Sakusa slowly turned his head and looked into Atsumu's chestnut brown eyes as he gave his teammate a small half-smile. He nodded and looked again at where their skin was touching. Then he nodded more vigorously as if to say to himself, 'You may be right. I might be able to do this if I tried.'

"Thank you, Miya-san."

"Yer welcome, Omi-kun. We'll try again tomorrow after practice too. Okay?"

"Yes. Okay."

"Alrighty then," said Atsumu cheerily as he got up to leave. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

Sakusa pulled hand sanitizer from his bag and spread it around his hands as he replied, "See you tomorrow."