Tainted Memories (GxG)

5

Mesi's POV

I cleared my throat as I stepped onto the stage, quieting the internal battle between my insecurities and confidence as nervousness arrived into my system leaving my palms to sweat.

My hands moved to the mic bringing it to my height before I greeted the crowd, the multiple responses calming my rushing anxiety slightly.

"My piece tonight is called Forbidden Rose," I announced wishing I had placed a drop of liquor in my system before coming on stage.

"I watch you from afar, just wishing on a star that you will greet my arms. They tell me it's wrong that roses together aren't normal, that my love for you is immoral. 'Love daisies' they plead but I would rather watch you flow in the breeze, I would prefer to love daisies but my soul won't let me. You look heavenly when you dance, I pray they will give me a chance or at least try to understand that I can't help but love your fragrance," I started, each word released being a drop of water to my burning anxiety.

"They will never see your pure beauty because they're blinded by ignorance and stupidity. Is it really that bad? Isn't love something that should be treasured? What I feel for roses is more than just pleasure, it's emotions that cannot be measured. They scream it's just a phase that I will grow out of one day. They throw words of hate and then laugh at my pain, nobody is the same and how I feel cannot be changed. They say they don't acknowledge nor do you accept but I must live for myself," I finished and the sound of applause earned a small sigh for me as I said a thank you, removing myself from the spotlight before immediately making my way to the bar.

"The same thing," I informed Al and he nodded, placing a glass on the counter as I grabbed the money from my pocket.

"Thank you," I voiced as he filled the glass and I handed him the money while simultaneously sitting on a stool to rest my weak legs.

I watched his retreating figure as I took a sip of my drink loving the slight burn it created as a sense of calm placed its hands on my busy mind and tense body.

"Three times in one week," A familiar voice announced and I turned to see her moving to sit beside me with the black pants suit she was wearing showing her perfectly sculpted figure.

"I guess the universe is looking out for me," I told her, earning a small smile.

"I enjoyed your poem tonight,"

"You did?" I asked while giving her my undivided attention.

"Yeah, who is it about?" She questioned and I lifted my glass taking another sip in an attempt to hide my approaching smile.

"Nobody in particular," I replied truthfully and she nodded, checking her watch for the second time since she sat down. "You got somewhere to be?"

"Yeah home,"

"You got somebody waiting for you at home?" I questioned as I placed my glass on the counter once more.

"Otherwise from my roommate no," She answered as I continued to appreciate the way the high ponytail her locs were in left her facial structure on full display.

"So why are you in a rush to go home then?"

"Because I have things to attend to tomorrow,"

"Do you have ten minutes to spare?" I asked as the sweet sound of Nina Simone's Since I Fell For You continued to play in the background.

"I gave you ten minutes yesterday and I arrived at work late," She informed me as her eyes met mine holding them captive.

"I'll keep track of the time,"

"You'll keep track?" She asked with a slight laugh.

"Yeah and if I go over the time, I'll buy you a drink," I promised with the attraction I held for her fueling my response.

"Are you flirting with me?" She questioned with a small smile.

"After the ten minutes, I'll tell you,"

"Ok, what do you want to talk about?" She asked, amused.

"You," I answered. "Tell me about yourself,"

"There isn't much to tell,"

"I doubt that you're an amazing woman and yet you're single, what is it?" I questioned softly in a teasing manner and she gazed at me hesitantly as if debating with herself.

"It's me,"

"It's you?"

"I'm not all sunshine and rainbows,"

"Elaborate,"

"It's just slight...issues when it comes to my sexuality,"

"Meaning,"

"Well, internalized homophobia, my homophobic family, my constant need to be perfect, it's a lot that I don't feel like can be unpacked in ten minutes," she voiced making me chuckle.

"Well how about I buy you that drink now and you continue to talk," I offered hoping she would say yes, and the small smile that appeared on her lips shouted the response she had yet to release.

"Ok," She replied after a few seconds and I lifted my hand motioning for Al to come my way.

I sat there appreciating every inch of her as she began ordering her drink, our exchange tonight not being one that I had planned but it was one that I didn't regret. She was compelling and despite my friendship with Jazmine that argued with my intentions, I was left staring, I was left yearning, I was left wanting to understand her mind and seemingly weary heart.

"So why are you single?" She questioned interrupting my thoughts and I smiled while taking a sip of my drink.

"Well, I might not look the part but I'm a slight workaholic,"

"You definitely look the part," She said, making me laugh.

"Well, that's the main reason I'm single, I put my business life over my personal,"

"Why do you think that is?"

"I have a huge fear of failing, and not achieving every goal that I set, I just always feel as if I'm not doing enough even when I am,"

"Now I can see why you and my sister are such great friends," She pointed out, making me smile.

"Back to why you're single," I voiced, earning a small laugh from her.

"I'm somewhat, umm, desperate to be loved the way I love and I'm left looking for myself in other people, falling in love with the idea of them, or I set standards way too high hoping for the perfection I can't find in myself and because of this I always end up in situations that leave me nothing but disappointed," She explained.

"I understand,"

"When I was younger I always imagined this fairytale type of life you know, and the older I get I realise that might never happen,"

"I understand completely, falling in love was always at the top of my list of things, but life is unpredictable and the sad thing is you can't choose who you love,"

"Sometimes I wish we could choose, life would be a lot easier,"

"It would, since the only thing that connects us all in this fucked up world is the need to be loved," I announced as my eyes met hers.

-