Pieces of Nine

6. Midnight Musings

While drifting off to sleep later that night, tucked into North’s strong embrace, I thought back on my date with Silas. I couldn’t stop the smile that blossomed across my lips as I replayed our time together. Just thinking about Silas’ lips pressed tenderly against my own caused a small shiver to run through my body. North, though deep in sleep, unconsciously tightened his grip pulling me closer into his broad chest. His instinctive actions to always protect warmed my soul. My feelings for him, for all my boys were so confusing. It wasn’t normal, was it? To find oneself falling in love with nine very different boys, it just wasn’t heard of. I huffed in exasperation at my train of thoughts. I needed sleep, and at this rate my thoughts were bound to keep me up all night. Well, at least there was one of my uncertainties that I could lay to rest.

After my first date with Silas, I was no longer worried about going out with the rest of the guys. I knew that all I had to do was be myself and to just let things happen naturally.  Honestly, I was looking forward to all the adventures I was sure to have over the next couple weeks. My boys knew how to have fun and all of them had such varying interests and hobbies. I couldn’t even imagine what they had in store for me over the next few weeks and my stomach flipped in anticipation, and once again, I couldn’t stop my lips from breaking into a smile.

I felt North breathe in deeply behind me. As he exhaled, I heard him whisper my name with such tenderness that I could feel tears pricking at the corner of my eyes, just threatening to spill over. What I had done to deserve the friendship and attentions from these wonderful boys was beyond me, but I was more than grateful for whatever it had been. Suddenly, my chest tightened and I found I was struggling to breathe. Love wasn’t a term or action that I was very familiar with. I had never felt loved by anyone, nor had I really felt love for another. Sure, I cared about my family, but only in the ways that one felt obligated to after so many years spent enduring the same trials together. But the way I felt towards each of my academy boys, was beyond anything I could have ever imagined for myself. It couldn’t be described as anything more than love. I loved these boys. In just a few short weeks they had become my entire world. I wanted to be with them always, and would do anything to make that happen. Anything.

Resolve settled my whirling thoughts. I had to trust that my boys knew what they were doing. That they understood that I didn’t know what I was doing, but that I cared for each of them deeply and wanted this relationship between all of us to work. With that thought, just a little bit of the weight I had been carrying around began to fall off and I felt unbelievable lighter as I drifted off to sleep.