Cherry pie

•saving•

Tw: mentions of self harm, a lot of angst and such, please read at your own risk.
If you struggle with mental illness and this may trigger you, please skip the chapter. And if you need someone to confide in, please feel free to message me.

-setting-
Sams room, bunker
11:34 pm
«———————»

Sam gets up quickly as he runs to me.
"Y/n stay here."
I nod shaky as he starts to run out the room, but I can't stop myself.
Tears in my eyes I follow the sound of Sams footsteps as I see him heading down to the dungeon.

I run down as I see Sam open the door peeking around the corner.
"Dean let him go!"
Sam said grabbing dean ripping him off my dad. I see his hands dripping blood as I step forward, dean still fighting Sam.

"Dean.."
I whisper out as dean stops not turning around.
"Dean look at me."
He doesn't just staring at the floor. I start to cry out of anger as I turn away heading up to my room.

Sam stays down stairs as I hear them arguing. I let go. I start to cry heavily as I head into my bathroom sitting on the floor.
I start to sob uncontrollably as I push my head back against the wall. I didn't want to talk to him right now.

I know he did he because he cares but didn't stop my anger. I was pissed at him, and I don't even know why. Was it because he lied to me? Was it because he cared so much he didn't even think of my feelings.

I locked the bathroom door as I looked into the mirror. My eyes bloodshot, my head pounding. I open the medicine cabinet hoping to find some Tylenol or something but something else captures my eye.

I look at it for a bit before picking up the blade Into my hands. I just sit on the toilet looking at it. I've always had issues with mental health I mean, my dad abused me my entire life.
I started to think of good memories trying to calm myself down, trying to calm the urges down.

But it blanked everything out of my head.
The feeling, the relief. I hold it between my fingers as I hear knocking on the door.
"Y/n? It's Sam. Can I come in."
I didn't answer, I just started at the blade between my fingers.

"Y/n."
He began to shove on the door as I just sniffled crying still.
He must've heard me as he stopped and knocked again.
"Y/n. Please. Open the door."

-flashback-
Y/n- age 8
-setting-
Her old house
«—————»

"Mommy? You've been in the bathroom a while. Do you feel sick?"

"No honey mommy's ok. I will be ok."
She said he breath shallow as y/n felt water dripping through the bathroom door.

"Mommy?"
She said twisting the doorknob.
"Mommy please open the door."

-end of flashback-

—————

I breath heavy dropping the blade as I stand up. I open the door as Sam sighs in relief before looking back seeing the blade on the floor.
I just fell, I fell hard. Right into his arms I sobbed as he softly hugged me.

He knelt down before sitting on the floor me in his lap as he held my head close to his chest.
"It's ok... it's ok."
I gripped his shirt my head spinning as I felt drunk. I've cried so much my mouth became dry as my face was sticky from the tears.

After a while I calmed down. Falling asleep into Sams arms his hold on me never loosening.

(Sam POV)

Her sobs stifled as she started to calm down, slowly dozing off into my arms. She must be exhausted from crying. I still hold onto her as I hear footsteps approach the door.
Dean rubbing his hands together with a towel as he looked at me only.

"Dean."
I said pointing to the bathroom. He slowly walked in hesitantly looking as he saw the door frame slightly worn from me shoving on the door. A blade laying amongst the cold tile as he looked down at his feet.

I could tell he felt bad, he didn't mean to loose control. I hated seeing her hurt just as much as he did but.. he lost control.
I mean, the dudes barely even breathing. I knew dean had that.. side.. of him left from the mark but.. I've never seen that. Through all my years of hunting, being tortured, torturing. That was something else..

Y/n snuggled into my lap as I felt her cold hands brush against my arm. I held her in my arms as I slowly stood up carrying her to my room, where there was nothing sharp. Dean followed as I covered her up before stepping out shutting the door.

"What the hell were you thinking man."
I said as I pushed his shoulder a bit. He stayed silent, I could see the guilt, the pain on his face.
"I wasn't."
He said, quietly as he looked away. He started to head to the kitchen as I just sighed opening my door so I could watch over y/n.

(Y/n POV)
Time, 12,45 am

I shot awake breathing heavy as my body drenched in cold-sweats. I panted as I gripped the sheets looking around.
"Sams..room?"
I whispered to myself as I looked over to see Sam asleep in a chair across the room.

I felt.. cared for.
I slowly got up as I went to my room to get some pajamas on. After changing I went to the kitchen to get a water as I saw dean.
He had a half drunken bottle of whiskey beside him as he started to pour another glass, whispering soft apologies.

I went up to him quietly as he went to put the glass to his lips, I place my hand on the top of it. I slowly move it down with his hand before I place my hand on top of his.
He looks down as I could feel the quilt.

"Dean.."
I said softly as I gripped his hand. I felt a tear drop on my hand as I felt guilty. I mean, I was the one not thinking of how he felt. He spent weeks looking for me nonstop just to see me the way I was. Of course he's angry.

I just lean down as I hug him gently. Suddenly I'm flipped around, now sitting in his lap slightly as he hugs me tightly, crying onto my shirt.
"I'm-"
He chokes on his words as he grips my shirt. I just shush him kindly as I rub my hand along his back.

He still had a bit to do to make it up to me.. but I realize why he did it.. and it made me realize something else to.

-flashback-

My dad and mom were a happy couple. Now standing at her funereal I hold onto my dads hand. He just let's go as I see him start to walk away pulling out a flask. My dad never drank, but.. I know he's sad.

-end of flashback-

I hold onto him shushing him quietly as I hold onto him.
"It's ok. I.. forgive you."
I whine out as I lean my head onto his , his head hurried in my neck.
"It's ok.."