Impulse [Frerard]

Part 1

Just don't think about it.

Frank was always ever the talkative one during interviews, but on this occasion barely three words left his lips during the past fifteen minutes of this particular televised one.  At the moment Frank couldn't have even told you what show he and the rest of his band mates were on.  He stared down at the microphone in his hands.  It was really quite unnecessary for him to even have one.  His mind was elsewhere, too busy to be bothered with answering trivial questions -never mind even bothering to pay attention.  All the words were blending together into one massive continuous droning noise, which he was finding ever so easy to ignore.

Just look at the mic.  Stare at it.  Twiddle it.  Just ignore him.  Don't look at him whatever you do.

Out of the droning sprang forth that familiar voice.  The voice in particular that Frank was trying to ignore.  But he so very quickly lost the battle, and all he could hear now was Gerard's voice filling his ears.  What Gerard was actually saying was completely and utterly lost to Frank.  It didn't matter what Gerard was saying anyway, his voice alone had become increasingly intoxicating enough for Frank.  In fact, anything and everything about Gerard in the past two months was only making Frank's heart race more and more, making something in the pit of his stomach ache.

La la la la la.  Don't listen to him.  Don't listen.

Their last tour had long since been over, and so the cramped quarters of basically living on top of each other was over.  And this was something Frank was usually very thankfully for.  He loved touring, but by the end of it, personal space was just something he desperately needed.  It had been different this time though.  Frank was desperate for something else.  Desperate for contact, and that contact specifically with Gerard.  It seemed no matter how many times they met up -whether it be friendly visits just the two of them or with others, or gatherings for band business- it was never enough for Frank.  He needed closeness with his friend, and Frank had been utterly baffled as to where the hell this feeling was coming from.  

Those stage kissing and groping antics during the last tour, that was what the craving had quickly escalated to.  They had been jokes at first, something funny, something of the moment and to set the crowd off.  But with the tour stopping so had the very open kisses and touches, and it was like Frank was going through some sort of bizarre withdrawal.  He had laughed at the thought, but at the same time that was the only thing that made any sense to him.  

No you idiot.  Don't look at him.

Frank would walk into a room and immediately gravitated toward Gerard.  He'd become antsy immediately.  Fingers would twitch, feet would tap, knees would bounce all as he fought to keep himself under control of what he really craved to do instead of just sitting next to Gerard and friendly talking.  Time went by and worst the urges got.  Frank's belief that they would eventually fade away was fleeting.  He told himself it was wrong, but even now under the eyes of his band mates, an interviewer, a small studio audience and crew, and however many people watching at home... Frank was steadily on his way to a mental breaking point over the very man he was sitting next to.

Out of the blue it seemed, Frank felt Gerard's hand touch over his.  That mere touch sent tingles through his fingers that shot up his arm then throughout the rest of his body.  An uncontrollable shiver passed through him, and he hoped to god no one noticed.  Gerard had merely taken Frank's microphone from him, his apparently malfunctioning.

Stop looking at him.  You're just making it harder on yourself.

He was bouncing his knees, drumming his fingers on his thighs, and rocking slightly back and forth in his seat.. anything to distract himself somewhat from letting his body do what it really wanted.  If anything, he supposed he just looked like he really had to pee to anyone who was paying attention to him.

This stupid thing has got to be over soon.  Just stay strong, Iero.  Stay strong.

Then out of the world he was almost completely oblivious to, Frank heard his name break through the mumble.  He stopped all his movement and blinked, looking around as he nervously bit at his lip where a lip ring once resided.  All eyes where on him expectantly, and Gerard was holding the mic up to Frank's mouth.  He must have gotten asked a question.  He was going to look like an idiot, though Frank was sure he already did to a degree.  

Fuck. ..Just play it cool.  Think of something.  Making them laugh.

"Sorry? I zoned out a little.  I really gotta piss like you wouldn't believe."  A somewhat goofy grin was accompanied by his signature giggle.  And there it was, making fun of yourself before anyone else could really has a way of getting you out of embarrassing predicaments.  Sure you look foolish to a point, but at least people can see that you're confident enough to laugh at yourself.  Frank's little comment sparked laughter from the audience.  From Ray and Bob and Mikey ...and Gerard.

Gerard's laugh.  More intoxicating than his voice.  Frank couldn't help but look to him and stare, and just continue to stare.  Frank knew to lock eyes with him would be a big mistake.  Gerard had those kind of eyes you could get lost in, the kind that looked like they were piercing you and gazing right into your soul.  Frank's body was twitching again as he tried to keep his crazy urges under control, but his mistake was made and going to cost him. Frank was starting to shake.

Don't. You don't really want to. You don't wanna kiss him.... Kiss him...  Kiss. Him...

The next few seconds were a blur to Frank as he had finally reached that snapping point.  All those pent up urges and desires just became too much to hold back anymore.  There was no time at all to really think about what he was doing, for in an instant he was out of his chair and straddling Gerard's lap.  He held Gerard's face in his hands, that face's shocked expression going unnoticed to Frank as he quickly leaned in to press their lips together firmly.

The kiss was nothing romantic or tonguey or heated.  Simply lips against lips, but that's all Frank needed to feel like he was in heaven for those three seconds it lasted.  Even though Frank was lost in the feel that he had craved so desperately for, he could not ignore the predominantly female cheers ringing in his ears.  And that acted like quite the slap to the face to bring Frank back to his senses.  He was in the middle of an interview... In front of an audience... In front of cameras... And he just pounced on his best friend's lap without warning and kissed him.

Oh god.

Frank pulled away from Gerard abruptly, and they merely stared at each other both mirroring looks of shock.  But out of the two, it was Frank who looked absolutely terrified.  He was frozen in place for what seemed like hours to him, but really only a second before he scrambled off of Gerard's lap and ran from the set.  His heart was pounding and his head was swimming; Frank couldn't believe that he had actually just done that.

Fine fucking place to lose it, Frank.  Shit.

He and Gerard had shared tons of kisses on stage.  But that was just it.  On stage.  It was just part of the show.  What Frank had just done was entirely different. A kiss forced upon Gerard out of some crazy urge that had spiraled out of control.  How was he going to explain himself, especially when Frank couldn't really understand it himself?  He wasn't in love with Gerard.  He didn't want any sort of relationship with the man other than the strong friendship they already shared.  Frank just craved the contact.  Craved to touch and to be touched.  Craved to kiss.  Craved it so much it made his body quiver.  And all of this only for Gerard.

Frank found his way back to the dressing room and let himself sink heavily down into the soft cushions of the plush beige couch in the back of the room.  What he really wanted to do was find a hole and hide there. But on top of that, what he really wanted to do was kiss Gerard again.

Fuck, this is not healthy.