Copycat (on hold)

Is this how you really feel?

One month later

Aizawa POV

Izuku seems just like how I remembered, well, except from the fact that he doesn't eat around anyone. I don't even know if he eats at all! Whenever I ask him, he always reply's with a 'yeah' or 'I had an apple' and sometimes he just hums in acknowledgement! Anyways, he's out training today at the park and although I know that giving a child privacy is key, I need to know if anything is wrong with him because if I ask him I just know the reply won't console my worry.......no you read that wrong, not worry......he's just a problem child......okay! Worry! I'm worried about him!

Back on topic now. I walked into his room, which seems a little too empty and plain to be owned by someone, it looks like a spare room that gets cleaned a little too regularly. Suspicious. I walk over to his desk only to see a pen out, along with the computer we bought him, which might I add still looks brand new. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to open the draw, only to find a notebook with a black cover (a death note....dun dun dun....jk), and 14 old looking white notebooks, each with a number and title 'Hero Analysis for the Future' in a child's writing, however, I decided that looking in the black notebook would be a better choice. But, what I read brought me to tears.

'The Life of Izuku Midoriya'

Wake up to reality, nothing ever goes as planned in this accursed world. The longer you live the more you will realise that the only things that truly exist in this reality are merely pain, suffering, and futility. Listen, everywhere you look in this world, wherever there is light, there will always be shadows to be found as well. As long as there is a concept of victors, the vanquished will also exist. The selfish intent of wanting to reserve peace initiates wars, and hatred is born in order to protect love. There are nexuses, casual relationships, that cannot be separated, these relationships shape the views of the world. There are ones that give hope, love, and then there's others that make people like me, lose hope in humanity.

Monsters. There are many kinds of monsters in this world: one's that feed off of the wealth of others, ones that hope so helplessly that one day they may wake up and their life be great, the monsters who have been forgotten, and lying monsters. Lying monsters are the worst of all. They hide in the shadows, feed off of the forgotten, wreak havoc wherever they may be, and most of all, these monsters deceive and blackmail to gain power over even the most incredulous souls. I am one of these monsters, my mother being one much like me, but not so dissimilar to the greediest of us. My father..... I don't know my father, who he may be is not up to me, aside from his character. I know the main viewpoint on my father, heard stories, read books, listened to tails and I myself have spread lies on such a small matter, such as how I consider it. Small. A word that represents most things in this world. Feeble. How I see the judges in our society. Selfish. The undying, greedy need for wealth in this world, being the one thing that gives you power, money runs today's world. And above all, hate. Hate is the mother of power. Stronger hatred for a person breeds a whole new kind of strength. However, this strength is unpredictable and untameable, it can be a turning point towards death or victory.

Not so long ago, I two believed in mankind. I believed that they would always find the right way, guide us through hardships, support those in need. I believed that even those who were already broken could rise up in the hopes of survival and gain the help they deserve. I was wrong. Even the most trustworthy person can deceive those below, I learnt years ago not to trust anyone, my hope and faith in others was lost the moment the abuse started, my isolated life, not even being able to say goodbye to my friends. I had become depressed, frequently experiencing panic attacks, starved, beaten till I was half dead, shamed, locked up, and forced to overwork by the person who was supposed to love me the most, more than anything. When I was found and taken from her I did not speak, I had believed that through taking me away from her, I lost the chance to gain her undying love and affection which I so desperately craved, a feeling that I believed that could only be given by her. In the absence of my father, I was once again brought to a new place, with people I would much rather not know, and I was sent there by a police officer who, supposedly was a detective. Whilst there, I had a new hope of gaining familial love, however, these people, much like my mother, abused me. I became their personal slave, learnt new skills, I even went so far as to fake blindness to hide my true power.

I had spent weeks, days, months, years trapped inside that one place, no hope of love or any sort of normal familial bond. Part of me started to believe that the treatment I received from others was natural, something that everyone has experienced. My thoughts change so frequently that I'm starting to forget who I truly am, the memories of my loving mother before heading to the doctor that day soon vanishing and being replaced by memories of hurt, hardships, and pain. The other people that I have seen throughout the years who are my age have all been happy and loved, at some point I became jealous, I despised their world of love, pushed it away, I hurt the people who saved me from my mother, I stopped caring for myself or anything around me. Do you know what that feels like? When you don't want to show any weakness towards the people around you, but at the same time you become sad and angry that they don't notice the pain your in. I would kill myself if I could, I'd do it a hundred times if it just meant that the pain would stop. I can no longer even imagine the day where I would die any more. I'm cursed with this power to just keep living. In order to keep myself from causing more pain, I won't allow myself to get attached to anyone, I do not wish to watch them grow old and die whilst I live on like this for the rest of my life.

Dear god Izuku, is this how you truly feel?

If you noticed in the diary writing I used some inspiration from speeches in other anime's so I cannot take full credit for the start, but I hope you liked it anyways. Also, sorry for the late updates, I've been having a lot of things going on in school at the moment so updates may be slow, hopefully in the summer I should post more chapters, I'm aiming for about 3 or 5 so that should be fun. Thanks for all of the support as well, I never thought this book would actually get this many reads so I'm great full for that too. Thanks again!

Author out!