Fear to Let Go

Chapter 8

„Iris, it's not like I don't find you Sweet, but this just doesn't feel right."

We kept looking at each other for a while until Iris slowly moved up to me, looking down my chest and back into my eyes.

„May I try winning your heart then? Because right now, you're throwing mine away and it feels quite unfair. Painful."

Gently she held onto my hands, holding them close to her heart, waiting for an answer. After a slight blink I nodded. Iris. My arms held her close to me. Of course I didn't want to loose her, all I ever wanted was to see her smile as cheerfully as always, keeping it all together while others couldn't. Besides Hanta, there was only her who was allowed to keep me company, so how could I have ever turned her away? While I was caught in a dilemma, Iva slowly started loosing her mind completely. Hanta would always take care of her, so he told me a few things that happened from time to time. That night again, he was visiting her, gently opening the door as Iva was only sitting at the big window, leaning against it, looking tired and exhausted. He sat down on the bed next to her.

„Don't you want to at least try to sleep?"

Iva barely shook her head, blinking truly slow. Hanta concernedly looked at her.

„And eat? Aren't you hungry? At least a little?"

She only kept staring outside, answering him with her quiet and tired voice.

„What's the point, Hanta...? If I just loose everyone I love, then why was I brought into existence in the first place...?"

„You still have me, don't you?"

No word he said would possibly make her move away from that place. After taking a breath he came up next to her and holding her into his arms. Iva looked down at the wooden windowpane. Everything seemed so dull.

„Did I hurt Scyaram...?"

He was looking away a bit, just holding onto her a little more while caressing her arm. It was for the best to rather not let her know, I sure agreed after he told me. The fact that she even cared about me had me rather surprised. As he then walked around with me along the bigger lake almost at the edge of the border, he slowly stopped, which made me turn to him. He was looking up that barrier for a moment until he looked back away again.

„I wonder if he was actually thinking this through or just did it out of impulse, as usual."

He stopped for a moment and looked at the water.

„He was always spontaneously deciding things just cuz his heart told him what to do. Wonder what I would've done in his case. Perhaps not this, because it's not healthy for anybody. He was so much different from me in that manner, I rather think things through before acting."

Sure he had a point. Waira would always follow what his heart told him to, that's why he never cared about those negative things in life, because he was sure that there was always something positive to everything. I looked at him.

„He, probably, just thought about keeping us safe in that moment. Did whatever it took, even his own life, and as usual, he reached his goal protecting us."

Hanta looked at me the whole time I was speaking and then looked away as he suddenly teared up, turning a bit away. While blinking a little I patted his back a bit as he tried to calm down a bit, not actually crying. Then he looked at me.

„I should've stopped him."

„Hanta no, stop. You wouldn't have been able to either way."

„But if I just..."

He still tried to hold it back, but it was no use. With a little sad sigh I embraced him as he was crying. It almost broke my heart to see him this way. He always tried so hard to hide such feelings. Sadness especially.

„He didn't deserve this, Scyaram... Not him..."

Truly not. It was his choice though, his own decision. As I kept confronting Hanta I looked up at the sky, wondering if Waira was able to somehow see us from that place. We were never that close, but of course I too was rather unhappy that he was no longer around. The day was slowly turning into night once again, and I started to get concerned about the fact that time went by so fast. As I came back home Iris sat in front of my door, smiling at me as I told her to get off the ground fast. She was rather confused and I had to explain to her that underneath my house were small, insect-sized animals which could've hurt her badly. A bit scared then she looked at me as I opened the door, letting her inside. A second later though she turned back to me with her soft smile.

„May I take you on a date, tonight?"

Fast I blinked while blushing a bit. I suddenly understood why she had put on such a beautiful dress. Nervously I was looking around before I agreed with a little shrug. Happily she clapped her hands, soon grabbing mine and taking me back outside. She wouldn't tell me where we would go, no matter how much I asked her to tell me. For a moment then she stopped and went behind me, holding my eyes shut which scared me a bit as I told my heart to stop beating so fast. As she was done leading me around she let go of me as I was facing a little picnic place. Fast she sat down, patting her hand next to her on the blanket. A bit nervous still I sat down there, looking up at the night sky. Then she took out an apple piece, holding it close to me.

„Ah- no thank you! I'm not eating."

„Nothing?"

As I shook my head she stunned a bit while also looking quite worried.

„But, but you gotta eat something, no wonder you're always sick."

After explaining how strangely I couldn't taste anything at all which had me mostly unable to swallow any food at all, she blinked, reaching the apple to me.

„Well then, you can still feed me, Scyari~"

I blushed and blinked fast as she just grinned widely, opening her mouth. While looking at her quite uncertain, I was feeding her the apple piece. She kept smiling and I too had to chuckle a little.