Fear to Let Go

Chapter 7

Iris took care of me for the whole day. We sat down by a lake not too far away. She told me how she was surprised of the way I changed. Changed? Uncertainly I looked at her but then had to chuckle. For the first time in a while again I had to smile.

„You don't actually believe in that, do you?"

Silently she looked at the water for a moment, then got up and in front of me. Nervously I started to blink. It mostly had been that way, my eyes were revealing my emotions, more than my words ever could. We looked at each other for a moment until she suddenly kissed me. What? This felt so wrong for some reason. Carefully I pushed her away, telling her to stop, that I just wanted her as a friend and nothing more. It had been quiet for a little while, then she looked at me again.

„Then show me what it's like to be loved as a friend."

Concerned about those words I looked at her, but she just came closer, demanding it even more. Just out of curiosity then I gave in as we shared a kiss. It felt strange, yet not too bad. Slowly we stopped as our eyes met again. Why did this happen just in that weird moment? It had me so confused. Iris sat back down next to me, leaning against my shoulder. It was hard for me to understand how someone could've desired me as much as she did. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable though as I turned around to see that someone was actually watching us. An almost completely black virus, only his eyes were shining white. He grinned at me. A bit uncertain I then took Iris's hand and left back home with her, just so she wouldn't see this strange person. She looked at me a little uncertain but also embarrassed.

„You just gonna be okay with dragging me everywhere? How rude of you."

„I'm not, there was some creepy guy stalking us or something. That's why."

She grinned and came in front of me.

„Or maybe you just wanted to be alone with me because that kiss turned you on~?"

Fast I blinked and shook my head, totally disagreeing. Iris kept coming uncomfortably close and cornered me, staring into my eyes. How was it possible for someone to want something so much? Suddenly I fell onto her. My legs were malfunctioning once again. She only worriedly looked at me for a moment, but suddenly blushed as well as I did. It seemed though, very much unlike myself, she enjoyed this a little too much. It was even more noticeable when she put her arms around me.

„Are- Are you gonna.."

„N-No!"

Fast I moved off her and somehow managed to sit up against the wall. Why did my legs have to stop working just in this moment?! She just kept staring at me for a moment until she blushes even more and grinned. How psychotic. After a while I was able to walk again, but only for a few before it hurt a lot again. Even though Iris started to make me more nervous, there was not chance for me to be able to return that night, so Iris told me to get upstairs into the bed. At first I didn't understand. After all, I was her guest still, so the chances of me sleeping on the sofa would've been higher, but then she turned her head around to me while making tea.

„You and me we are gonna try something."

It was a strange chill down my spine she gave me. Scary, but at the same time she was so adorable. Still, she wanted me. As she finished with drinking her tea then, she was walking ahead, leading me upstairs into the big bedroom she had. It sure was sweetly decorated. Suddenly she pushed me onto the bed as I blushed, putting my hands in front of her fast.

„I don't want to!"

Only a slight wind blow was to hear outside until she blinked at me, not quite understanding. With a sigh I sat up.

„I can't just let you do this... This is something special that I want to be sure about."

Sad she looked away.

„So you don't Love me?"

„Not as intense as you do."

She got up and looked at the ground, sort of guilty, asking me if she could try to change my mind. Uncertainly I scratched my head. There was no way a possible positive answer was existing for me, because if I agreed then I would lie. While I was trying to think of an answer that wouldn't hurt her, she unnoticeably opened up her dress and let it drop, drawing my attention toward her as I blushes again.

„You could... maybe watch me then? How about it?"

Seductively she smiled as I closed my eyes. Was this alright to do? It felt so strange. Her soft fingers moved over my face as she moved up my head.

„Come on, look at me, or am I not pretty?"

„O-Of course you are..."

My face was so hot, but it didn't feel like Iris cared at all, in fact it might've even made her feel better about this. My heart was racing. After looking at her for yet another moment I suddenly left downstairs quite fast into the bathroom, gliding down with my back leaning against the door. It was just too much. I felt like an idiot soon however. Why are you hiding? She's your friend! She wouldn't hurt you! I took a breath after a few minutes and came back outside to face her.

„Scyaram..."

„I... I'd like to maybe sleep on the sofa if that's alright with you. After all I'm your guest and, yeah."

She only sighed but agreed as she started to prepare the sofa. It hurt. The face she made, the way she acted now. As she left to the balcony I carefully followed her, stopping in the doorframe. Her dress was slowly moving in the wind, aesthetically. My eyes couldn't let go of her as she then turned to me, leaning against the fence of the balcony. What could I say that wouldn't sound stupid?