Miss Alan| Day Saver

24

Calum's POV:

My body shakes, I'm unable to breathe, I can't breathe properly. My teeth chattering together.

Pull yourself together!!

I look up and sigh heavily. My eyes meet Rebecca's. "It's okay Cal..." she whispers.

"I got it... I can do it" I hesitate. But her eyes are full of sadness, sympathetic tears. But here we go...

"I was 8... I don't know if I told you what happened to my mum, if I did it probably wasn't the truth... anyways...

He hit me, like he would always do. But the amount of pain made it physically impossible to move. Again I was 8. That was the first time I was ever unable to move but wasn't the last.

He had grabbed my mother by the throat as I was on the floor staring at him. His grip on her neck made her begin to turn blue. I couldn't help. So he chuckled. He throws her to the floor. She tried to back away. But he grabs her again. She was next to me. He didn't care.

He had ripped off her clothes and took off his own..." my breaths linger longer as I relive the horror. I stare at the floor, wide eyed, mouth slightly gaped. But I continue...

"He began to- to-" I sigh unable to say what he did. If I did it'd make it seem real...

"He raped her...again...I was born out of rape. Me and Adam, so was Chris. But as I witnessed the events I couldn't move, I was frozen, like I was suffocating.

But I wasn't, he was suffocating her. His hand gripped around her throat to stop of her air circulation. And that's exactly what he did. I watched my mother take her last breath as she looked me death in the eye and whispered 'I'm sorry, I love you' she turned blue...

The days went on and the police never found out about my mother being murdered by my father, I couldn't tell or he'd kill me too. So the case became unsolved. Tossed away like her life meant nothing..." my face is crawling with tears. But I'm too afraid to look at Bec. I can hear her sniffling telling me she's crying.

"The funeral was horrible. I still remember the pain in my aunties voice as she said goodbye. That was the last time I ever saw her. My mother was an Angel. But my father, not affected. He met a new woman right away. That was Ashley. I was 8 when I watched my mother take her last breath and I was 8 when I watched my father remarry another woman. In the space of 3 months!

When I first met Ashley she was the sweetest person ever. Not sweeter than my mother but..." I chuckle at the thought. "Again he would hit me which scared Ash but she stayed. One night he wasn't even drunk but he had bipolar so his normal outbursts weren't even the bad part. His bipolar made him worse. He raped her again and again and again. Then she had Chris." I stare blankly at the floor.

"After that...she was a whole new person. She loved to hit me and Chris. She became abusive. Sometimes she'd be worse than my father. I won't speak the abuse for Chris but-" I can't say it. I can't... but Rebecca's my best friend- she needs to know.

It's all my fault...

"Ashley- she... she... she raped me too" I say quickly looking into Rebecca's emotional face. Her lips part, shock covers her face. Tom is beside me holding my hand while also in a state of tears. "Sorry" she announces.

Everything Ashley did to me... it's all my fault...

Maybe if I stopped her from being raped, If I stopped her from marrying my father... if I told the police the truth... I wouldn't be living this life.

I wouldn't have been raped...

But I continue:

"She'd often drug me so she could get her own pleasure. But that wasn't enough, I could still feel everything, I was still in my own state of mind, just- not there physically...

Eventually she stopped with the drugs..."

Rebecca wipes her tears. "Oh god Cal...I'm so sorry!"

I shake my head in embarrassment and shame.

"She often punched me, she cut me. So I resulted in self harm myself. I cut myself, I forced myself sick- I do it now... I did self harm to try and escape my mindset. I hated who I was. Ashton tried to help. But nothing worked. Me and Ashton have always been best friends..."

"They did everything to me... I don't know about Chris, but I escaped the house at 17, I wish I could've taken Chris but as I announced that I was leaving them they threw away my things and pushed me out of the door. I couldn't get Chris. If I did, they would've found me or her and killed us both."

Rebecca's eyes widen. "So that's exactly what he tried to do... because you took Chris... he tried to kill you both..." I sigh sadly and cry at the realisation.

This is all my fault

"I stayed in contact with Chris, she was happy I was okay. She often stayed at Ashtons with me to escape for a few days but they didn't care. It's like what we did. She stayed at ours then went home. She told me anything that happened. Well not everything. But you get me. I wanted her to be safe.

I got a job at the school so I could be with her, I wanted to make sure she was safe. I wanted to teach, always wanted to teach. But since she was going to the high school soon I got a job there and I taught Chris, every year." I state...

Rebecca looks up at me hesitant. She wanted to say something. "What is it?" I ask her...

"What about Adam" she says quickly but quietly.

Hearing his name makes me smile slightly. He got the same treatment as me.

"He was abused as much as me. But he never saw mother die. He knew father killed her but I could never have the courage to tell him what really happened. He respected that. Me and Adam were extremely close. And now I feel as if I've lost everything..."

Her eyes close, tears trail down her face as if in regret of asking. She doesn't like to see people who are close to her in pain. But she can hear the pain in my voice.

"And I would t want anything like that to happen to any of you" I say looking at Rebecca, then Chris and finally at Tom as I interlocked our fingers. I planted a kiss on his temple and he relaxed into my shoulder.

Suddenly there's a knock at the door. They walk in and see us all in tears. "I understand this must me a hard time, but Mr Sloan, the police want to talk to you about your father" I nod acknowledging the words the doctor states. "I'll be out in a second" with that the doctor removes herself from the room.

"You going to be okay?" Rebecca asks. I nods hesitantly then standing from my seat...

I have to do this all again...