Miss Alan| Day Saver

30

Calum leaves to get McDonald's. I feel hungry. Which isn't a sensation I've felt in a while. I feel the need to eat, even though I'm not going to be able to keep it down. It's not my fault. It's just, years of trauma. Calum nor I have told Rebecca about our eating disorders we have told Tom though but we don't know how we're going to be able to tell Rebecca.

Well you need to tell her soon!!!

Rebecca and I lay in bed watching Greys Anatomy because it's amazing. She gently strokes my arm. It makes me sleepy. "Hey no sleeping, Cals getting food and I don't want you to have a nightmare. I'll make sure that you won't later when we both go to sleep okay" She explains. My heart throbs. She's so sweet. She knows already how much the nightmares terrify me. It doesn't make it any easier that I love to sleep.

People do care about you!

You just don't see it?

Are you even listening to me?

Yes I am! I know people care about me. It's just...do I believe them. I know Rebecca and Tom and Calum care about me. But others.

What the fuck bro?

You just contradicted what I said and what you said!

Shit! I did... well I know certain people care for me.

It's the trust part isn't it?

Yes... why am I having a conversation with myself?

I don't know?

I'm going to talk to Rebecca now...

"Hey you know because I have a whole year left after this year of high school?" I say. She hums as a response. "I'm going to try and attend all my classes. I wanna be good. I don't wanna just skip..." I explain. Rebecca looks down at me. "Okay" she strokes my hair. "Me and Cal can teach you some of the past curriculum that's been taught if you'd like?" She offers. I nod at her offer.

We hear the door unlock. "Come on food!" Calum shouts. I smirk at Rebecca and jump out of bed. She jumps out the other side and we both run down the hall. We're giggling and laughing. We race into the living room, me winning and I jump into the couch.

I look over at Calum and see him smiling at me. "What?" I giggle. "Nothing...I just love seeing you smile. I've missed it." Calum throws my pack of nuggets at me. "Hey don't hurt them!" I chuckle. Cal rolls his eyes.

I go to him and whisper in his ear. "I think we should tell her, about our eating disorder" he looks at me and sighs. He looks down and nods. I take a seat next to Rebecca.

"Becs...we need to tell you something" Cal begins. Rebecca repositions herself so she has her full attention on what Calum has to say. "Me and Chris, we both suffer with eating disorders, from trauma. So we both force food up. Sometimes our body does it for us, sometimes our brain forces us to do it ourselves. We just thought we should...tell you..."

She looks at us both and sighs deeply. "I suffer with severe depression and anxiety. Now I've said it, it definitely sounds like yours is worse than mine." She face palms and chuckles embarrassed. "Hey don't worry. We suffer from severe depression and anxiety so you're like us too. Don't think you're problems are less important. Everything is important in some way." I state. "Now my nuggies are getting cold so let's eat." I state demandingly.

***
Once I finish my meal I look down at my empty tray. "Let's see how long that stays down" I whisper to myself. "I feel okay" Calum says. "I don't feel the need to for some reason." He says arching his brows in confusion.

"Maybe you're both slowly getting better?" Rebecca wonders. "Maybe?" Calum states. He chuckles to himself. "I think we are Chrissy" My eyes sharpen and I give him a deadened look. "Don't call me Chrissy would you?" I cough. He rolls his eyes. "Christie?" He asks.

I look at my hands, I begin to play with them. "Adam used to call me Christie..." I state. "Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know" he apologises. "It's fine. Don't stress" I giggle. I smile at him.

"I wanna go to bed" I yawn. Standing up, Rebecca follows me into our room. I change into my pyjamas and jump onto the bed. Rebecca quickly changes and gets into the bed beside me. "Come here" she chirps, extending her arms for me to lay with her.

Quickly I move so my back is faced to her body but her arms wrap around my waist. "Goodnight" she whispers kissing my head. "Goodnight" I respond.

***
The next morning is a Sunday. I slept well. Not even a nightmare.

I stretch and sit up. I look to my right to see that Rebecca isn't in sight. Sighing, I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and use the facilities before changing into a cute outfit.

Looks gay.

Yeah so what?

No it's cute.

I roll my eyes at myself and walk into the kitchen. "Morning" Calum enthusiastically announces. "Morning!" I sing. Calum chuckles. I look around the living space to see no Rebecca.

"Cal? Where's Becs?" I ask, arching my brows to show my confusion.

Weirdo.

Oh shut up!

"Oh your girlfriend went to...idk she just said she was going out for a bit?" He shrugged. I roll my eyes. "You don't have to say my girlfriend just because you know she's my girlfriend" He turns around and begins to plate up the bacon and eggs. "Darling, she asked me if she could ask you out. Don't know why she did, but I can call you her girlfriend because it's funny." He chuckles. He points the spatula at me a few times.

"She asked because she's nice" I chuckle. "And it's annoying. Please stop" He passes me a plate of bacon, eggs, toast and sausages. "Fine, just eat sweetie okay"

Calum's not used to doing the cooking but I guess he has to now. It was always Ashton that'd cook because he loved cooking weird food things, it was awesome; however obviously, not an option, so Calum offers to cook even though I know how to cook. Even Rebecca cooks.