Miss Alan| Day Saver

39

"I'm not letting you go..." I shakily say. I can't. I look at myself in the mirror. "CHRIS NO! Please come back..." I sob.

I hear loud sobs coming from the living room so I get up and stumble into the hall. Rebecca is curled up watching the news. Her sobs are painful.

I'm confused which makes me stop crying. My attention gazes towards the television.

"And it's with just a bit of rain. That'll you back to you John." The weather reporter finishes. "Thank you Cindy. Okay our top story today. A 18 year old High Schooler has sadly committed suicide in the restroom of the High school." My heart shatters. Why would they publish this. They put a picture of Chris on a slide show.

"Crystal Shears was a graduating student at Jewal High school however in relation to her father Dylan Sloan, who was the result in the Jewal High shooting. Crystal being one of the victims of the shooting along with her brother Calum Sloan. It was said that Crystal was unable to take the pain of her best friends death who was murdered in the school shooting and her best friend since childhood, Ashton Dennings."  Rebecca can't hide her sobs any longer.

"The note left by Crystal read : 'Dear people,

I'm sorry that this has come to this. But I can't deal with this any longer.
My pain... I feel it fade as I write this currently. My father told me that this is what needed to happen.
And I'm sorry.
Please go to the hide out me Lila and Tom visited as we grew up.
With all my love,
I'm sorry,
-Chris'

We send deep condolences to the family who lost Crystal. To all friends who have lost and friends or family member to suicide, just know you are not alone. You can talk to people about your loses. And if you, yourself are feeling suicidal, please contact the suicide helpline '116 123' don't leave us too early. Men die by-" I turn the Tv off because I can't watch any longer.

I don't know whether I feel more sadness or anger towards the News who shared information without acknowledging that we're actually grieving. Chris was a person, not someone who is there to get views on the news.

She's not a news story to be told. She was a person...

I slide down the counter and my face contorts with emotion pain as I can't hold myself together anymore. "She's gone... she's really gone..." I repeat. I keep saying it.

I can't stop.

I'm loosing myself...

Rebecca sits on the counter shaking.

I stand up quickly and go into the cupboard and grab a bottle of Vodka. "Cal? Wha-what are you doing?" She asks.

"Dro-drowning away my thoughts" I hiccup. "I can't...I just can't..." I sob, opening the bottle. She nods at me.

Calum's Grief:

Rebecca leaves the apartment for some air. I know she's not going to just go for air, but I need a drink. I need to forget about what happened today...

I'll do what her note said another day. Me and Becs said we'd do it together. With Tom...

I take a large swing at the bottle. It stings my throat but I don't care.

Burn me all you like.

Distract my pain...

Please...

Take away all my pain.

I finish the bottle of vodka in no time. You know what that means?

Another bottle. I honestly couldn't give a fuck if this kills me...