radiant | jung hoseok | ✓

chapter nine | flat white

What do you even wear to a Sunday barbeque? I think to myself as I stare hopelessly at my closet.

All of my outfits are categorized in extremes with my only options being my daytime uniform or comfortable sleepwear for my days off. Nothing fits the mold of "casual Sunday lunch with co-workers". I don't want to appear overdressed or appear ungrateful for their invitation.

Unfortunately, I don't have some chaotic, extraverted best friend to help me create or let me borrow an outfit for the day. I don't have a group of giggly friends to help me with my makeup or attempt to meddle in my love affairs by texting me embarrassingly sweet pick-up lines to test on Hobi.

I am on my own.

I turn from my pathetic closet and fall back onto my unmade bed. I grab one of my large stuffed animals from the edge of the bed and hug it close to my chest. I stare up at the popcorn ceiling with a blank expression, basking in the darkness of my apartment.

It's so quiet here.

It's a small apartment filled with most of the basic essentials. It also has a small bathroom with a shower, a newly installed air conditioning unit, a laundry room on the basement level, and a functional kitchen. The cabinets might be empty but most of my baking experiments happen at the cafe.

I feel a pang of sadness as I think about how I am not going to be able to continue with my extravagant cakes or desserts. All of these treats require sophisticated equipment I don't have the money to buy. My oven's heat system is off-balanced and ends up burning my edges every time and my hand mixer is slowly dying from years of use.

Losing my job is parallel to losing my hobbies, and I hate how I am helpless against it.

I am grateful to have a new job, however, I know it won't be like the cafe.

It's going to be okay, this is going to be good for me, I think to myself, lying in the dark.

I am such a terrible liar.

I sit up from the bed and check my phone again. It is still too early to get dressed for the barbeque at Hobi and his friends' house. But it isn't too early to eat my Lucky Charms.

I stand up from my bed and walk out of my small bedroom. I enter my kitchen and flick on a light, illuminating the glossy wooden cabinets and faint dust on the counters. I grab my half-empty box of cereal and a clean bowl. I hum softly to myself as I make my breakfast, losing myself to my thoughts for a moment.

I wonder how today will end. I hope I don't make things awkward, it's been so long since I've hung out with... friends.

I know I sound like a hermit but in truth, I am a shut-in compared to my peers.

To some, this lifestyle might appear pathetic and depressing yet I didn't have an issue with it until recently. I was perfectly happy living in isolated bliss until I met Hobi. Maybe it was him that started this spark, this yearning for a life beyond the walls of my home.

A life with... somebody else.

I shake my head, dismissing such wishful thinking. That sounds so cheesy. Why am I acting like this?

I move to the corner of the kitchen and pull out my small espresso machine that I bought during a Black Friday. I open up my coffee cabinet and scan over my two bags of coffee grounds before choosing the stronger of the two. I also grab my milk steamer which is a small metal pot with little holes in the lid. I prepare myself a flat white which is a drink that consists of espresso and steamed milk. It's a simple drink but it gives me the burst of energy I need to face the day.