mixtape (reddie)

Chapter 55

In the early light of Saturday morning, Richie is woken up by a knock on his door. He mumbles something close to an invitation, so he blurrily watches Bill enter the room.

"H-Hey," Bill says, shifting around in the doorway.

Richie remembers the way that Bill stood in his room that day he asked Richie to come swim down at the quarry. Beverly forced Bill to invite Richie, and Bill obeyed. He's always been under her thumb.

"What?" Richie asks.

"C-C-Can we tuh-talk?" Bill asks. His stutter sounds awful.

"We are now, aren't we?" Richie sighs, but then waves Bill in anyways.

His brother sits down in the desk chair, rolling it over to the side of the bed and touching his hand to Richie's temple. "Your f-f-fever is go-going d-d-down."

"Mhm," Richie nods, staring up at the ceiling.

"I b-b-broke up-p with B-B-B-Be- fuck, fuck," Bill brings his hands up to cover his face.

"Beverly," Richie says for him, turning his attention towards Bill. He loosens his body up, taking a more gentle approach. "What happened?"

"I f-felt bad," Bill says between his hands. "About lah-last nnn-nnight. I t-t-talked to Sss-St-Stan about it, and I th-think it was a wakeup c-call."

Richie doesn't say anything, but he reaches out and guides Bill's hands away from his face as a way to encourage him to continue.

"S-So I just- I juh-just want t-t-to say sorry," Bill says. "I c-called Eh-Eh-Ed-Eddie to ch-check on his mmmm-mom. She's okay, he said he'll c-c-come over today. I feel s-so bad, Rich. I've- I've lost family m-m-members. Brothers. I d-d-didn't want t-to lose you... not again. I really s-st-stepped back and realized... just how much... she cuh-convinced me th-that it was... okay."

Richie nods understandingly. "I don't think she meant to, Bill. You just love her, man."

"I d-do. I always have. Th-That's why... I don't know. I really f-fucked up. I was s-so ssss-sselfish. I j-just wanted her. B-B-Ben broke up with h-her, and I just," Bill waves his hands around as if to gesture towards the mess he's created.

Richie sits up in bed, shifting his pillow around to rest in his lap a bit more comfortably. "What did you tell Bev?"

"The t-truth. I s-said she... she n-n-needs to be alone f-for awhile. She's n-never really... b-b-been single before, has she?"

"Not for as long as I've known her," Richie shakes his head.

"It'd be g-g-good for her to luh-learn how t-to be on her own," Bill says, "I t-told her I'm n-n-not like m-myself. I ch-changed to be wha-what I th-thought she wanted. She understood. She wasn't m-m-mad or anything, she s-said she would b-be okay waiting if I j-just wanted space. I s-said I didn't know."

"Do you want to go back to her?" Richie asks. "Ever?"

"I really d-d-don't know," he shakes his head, then covers his face again. "I d-don't know what t-to do. I feel s-so lost."

"Hey, come on, man," Richie leans over the edge of the bed to pull Bill in for a hug, the wheels of the chair squeaking as Bill gets closer. "You'll be alright. What can't you survive, man?"

"I know," Bill says. "I know I'll b-b-be okay, I've j-j-just... I hurt all m-my fruh-friends in th-the p-process."

Richie smiles and says, "I've got a feeling that we all go together, no matter what. It'll be okay, dude. Us losers stick together, always. We're a family."