Almost a Garden Gnome

Chapter 5

***As told by Eddie***

Six and a half hours of my grandma practically tearing the garden apart later, no leads. She even brought a magnifying glass. She got really involved, crouching down on all fours and straining her neck just to get a better look at the nooks-and-crannies of the foliage, but I felt it necessary to stand by and be her moral support, pretending this wasn't happening. Secretly, I was relieved when my grandma finally ran out of steam, and we didn't find the human.

Finally able to relax after off-and-on nervous sweating in the hot sun, I wipe my forehead dramatically and stroll into my air-conditioned home, only to find a lone drinking glass sitting upside-down in the middle of my table.

I didn't put that there... I think, and just when I thought things couldn't get weirder, the glass starts talking to me.

"Ah, hi, neighbor! I'm Perrie, from your backyard!"

There's a girl under that glass. Chirping out a greeting. You know, like this is totally normal.

She lifts the rim of the glass just a little so she can peek under it playfully, extending her hand to me.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Whoa!" She shouts, taken aback. Jarred, she bumps her side against the glass.

I'm just trying to reorient myself after the shock of seeing this girl, and the next thing I know, the glass is tumbling straight toward the floor, with the girl in it! I catch it in the palms of my hands with urgency, now having one more reason to sweat. On the way down, I'd noticed the girl 'bonk' the back of her head against the inside of glass, and now I'm just hoping she doesn't have any brain damage. Raising my hands closer to my face, I carefully transfer the glass to my right hand, then slide my fingertip under the rim. I timidly tip it up so she can crawl out.

"Are you okay?!" I practically wheeze, my voice high-pitched and tense. You can imagine my surprise when I'm met with, just as I was thirty seconds ago, a casually—even neighborly—extended hand, ripe for shaking.

"Well, don't leave me hangin'!"

"...Wow. U-Uh, hi? I'm... Eddie?"

She chuckles, "You don't sound so sure about that."

I try to shake out the crazy from my head. Sorting myself out, I run my free hand through my hair and take a deep breath. "Sorry... it's my first time meeting a human. And being involved in someone's near-death experience."

"C'mon, live a little, Eddie!" She sways expressively in my palm, beaming like she's been waiting for this moment her entire life. "I've been checking you out from your garden for 387 days now. You're a real cutie!"

I feel my face heating up madly. In the midst of all this chaos, I seem to forget that I'm holding a human in my hand. I'm---I'M HOLDING A HUMAN IN MY HAND! I flinch and I start to tremble, gripping the counter for stability.

"Is it something I said?" She frowns.

"Uh—n-no—I think—well—did you p-purposely tr-trap yourself underneath... the...?" I bumble on incoherently.

I notice her pulling something out of what appears to be a crossbody satchel. I can't see it very well, but if I squint, I can almost tell that it's slipshod, crudely made from scraps of tightly woven leaves. I try to bring myself back down to earth by tapping into my 'botany brain', concentrating on what types of leaves those must be, as if my world wasn't turning on its head around me. I'm alarmed when she springs up off of my palm and clings to my collar, once again, bizarrely unfazed by her impending death.

"Smell this," she insists, one hand clinging to my collar, the other, presenting a cut of lavender that looks comically large in her little hand. She's incredibly close to my face. She must be delusional! She's clinging for her life! And completely unbothered!

But, I have to admit... either I'm partaking in her numbness to reality... or the lavender is kicking in. Hopefully, it's the lavender.

"I heard you on the phone with your grandma that one time when you were calming her down from the canoeing accident. You recommended she got some extra sleep, took ibuprofen and kept a vase of lavender flowers nearby," she smiles innocently. I process this while the adrenaline coursing through me allows me to scoop her up and stabilize her onto the counter again.

"You—you—retained all that?" I muster up, floored. She nods and pulls another item out of her bag, this time, a book.

"I take notes," she nods, flipping through a series of pages with writing so tiny that I can't read it.

"Oh... I'm... flattered?" I squeeze out, on the verge of dissociation.

"I thought you were 'I'm... Eddie?'," She chides, elbowing my knuckle. With that, she stuffs her book back into her bag, then leisurely paces toward the windowsill. "Well, Eddie, I'll be back tomorrow, bearing gifts!" she salutes, waving goodbye as she starts to climb out the window. She leaves a leaves trail of fertilized dirt as she makes her way, which signals to me that she probably made her way here through the flowerbeds.

"Wait-!"

But before I can get another word in, she's gone. Why does everyone ditch the conversation after telling me they'll be here tomorrow?! Nerves shot, I feel my palms sweating, and I head to the sink to wash my hands.

My palms are covered in dirt.

This is gonna' be a loooong wait 'till tomorrow.