Trust Takes Moments to Break, But Time to Create

20-Felix

I walk out of that disgusting garbage pile of a room, grateful that Marinette yelled at that idiot. Heading down to figure out what our next move is, I see Marinette at the head of her bed, sitting on the carpet, her knees up near her head, and her hands in her scalp, appearing to be pulling her hair. I feel dread coursing through me. "Marinette?"

"Make it stop." There is more dread and worry. That situation with Lila and her old life back at Francis Dupont really affected her. It seems the more time she is here, the worse it gets. I kneel down to her level, taking her hands away from pulling her hair. 

"Make it stop." My eyebrows furrow. "Make what stop?" She squints her eyes shut, squeezing my hands with her nails digging into my palms, which I try to not wince at. She's stronger than she appears. I can already notice redness growing at the naiver marks. 

"Make it stop. They keep saying these words. Make it stop. Make it stop!" I realize she must have voices in her head. I had a similar situation when Mother died, though I had no one. I will not let that happen to Marinette. "Breathe. Whatever those voices are telling you, it isn't true. Think of something that makes you happy."Marinette calms down slightly, and I can tell she's following my directions. 

"W-Why?" I stare at Marinette, not expecting that question. "Why what?" 

"W-Why are you helping me so much? A-All I-I've done is cry and have panic attacks. A-All I-I've been is pathetic s-since w-we've met." I stare at her, shocked still. At the same time however, I am not surprised by her question. 

Ladybug is the same way. 

Even if she hides it more, it's obvious. 

Her bluebell eyes, which used to only hold determination, focus, and excitement for the future. 

Now, the only emotions I see in those beautiful inky blue eyes are defensive, guilty, and self loathing. 

They are more dull than before. 

It is like she has given up. 

The exact same emotions I see now in Marinette's identical eyes, even if they are blurred with tears. 

I would need to see her kwami communicating with her or her transforming, but I am almost 99% certain that Marinette is Ladybug. There is no doubt about it. But right now is not the time to be pondering about secret identities. Right now, I need to focus on Marinette. This crying girl who has broken. 

She's broken.

Broken. 

But not shattered. 

"Sshh sshhh. It's alright Marinette. I understand what you are feeling. I have been through a similar situation. I know you don't feel alright. I know you feel broken and betrayed. I know you are on your guard and always defensive now. I understand you feel guilty, but none of what is going on right now is your fault. It wasn't your deeds that caused all loved ones to turn they backs on you. It wasn't your fault. Do you hear me? Nothing that happened is your fault."

"T-Then w-why d-does i-it feel like it is? H-How do y-you know th-that it isn't my fault. Y-You weren't there. If-If only I had just listened to h-her. None of this w-would've h-happened." I stare at this girl, shell shocked. She truly does believe what happened is her fault. I shake my head, rubbing her now relaxed but shaking hands with my thumbs gently. "None of this is your fault. Marinette I want you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

"Say that you are worth it." She stares at me before sighing. "You are worth it." I shake my head, knowing that she was being stubborn. 

"I just don't see the reason for saying that."I sigh, but also noticing a bit of deja vu. "I want you to believe it because it's the truth Marinette. Saying it is the first step. Now, stop being stubborn and say the words." She looks down, sighing in defeat, knowing there was no way to stop me. I'm just as stubborn as she is. 

"I am worth it." I smile."Yes you are. Now say that you are beautiful." She looks down at our connected hands. I bring her face back up to meet my gaze again. Her eyes hold self loathing delusions that I can tell are connected to the words she heard inside herself along with the words other have most likely have told her out of anger. She hates herself. I'm going to fix that, even if it is the last thing I do. Seeing her in this state, makes my smile fall. Shakily, she forces the words out.

"I am beautiful." My smile is back, as I let myself tuck a stray hair behind her ear gently. "Yes you are, and I am going to do everything in my power to make you believe it." Now I understand the deja vu. I told these exact same words to Ladybug as Cat Noir. 

And her responses were the exact same. 

Marinette is Ladybug. 

I don't need to see her transformation to believe it. 

I remember since the first moment I met her that she was hiding something. Now I know. I understand. The first hidden secret was her self hatred, well, more of the origin of her self hatred. She was the victim of a liar who won a battle, causing the betrayal of the ones she loved. 

The sausage haired liar who won a battle.

But not the war. 

The second hidden secret is the fact that she is the Guardian of the Miraculous. She is Ladybug, super heroine of Paris and my partner in justice. I remember my words in awe exactly after defeating Stoneheart. 

"Wow. Whomever she is behind the mask, I love that girl." 

That day, I unconsciously made a vow. 

A vow of love that I didn't understand much. 

In the beginning, I was foolish. I placed her on a pedestal, believing that the civilian behind the mask was just like her persona with the masked suit on. Perfect in every way. I constantly asked and foolishly attempted to reveal our identities to one another. The day of Hero's Day that first full year of us working together changed me. 

The day of Hawkmoth's attempts to take over as Scarlet Moth.

Ladybug was hesitant, afraid, and worried due to the issues in her plans to use her Lucky Charm. It reminded me that just alike myself, Ladybug made mistakes, she was insecure of her civilian form. That was the day I matured in our relationship, stopping my attempts on an identity reveal. It wasn't my business on her insecurities. That day, I stopped forcing her into an awkward situation, and vowed that I would help her in anyway I could without needing to reveal. 

We became closer that day. 

We became more than just partners, but confidants. 

We allowed ourselves to open up as much as we could and as much as we were comfortable with. 

It was slow going at first, we did take baby steps, but we became as close as possible. 

I want to help Marinette in the same way. 

But for that to work...

I need to know more. 

Which does mean I will have to slowly bring down more mental wards. 

But as I stated before, baby steps. 

Time is all we need.