Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

3

My face goes pale, "N-now?"

"Yes!" Mia says, standing up, "Go, go, go!" she urges me.

As she pushes me towards him like some middle schooler in a game of truth or dare, I turn around to face her, "I-I don't even know what to say and... and what if he actually wants to go out?"

She stops for a second, "Just tell him that you wanna hang out sometime, and yeah, Dez, the goal is to go out with him."

I raise an eyebrow and Mia resumes pushing me, "Now, go!"

I put my hands up in surrender and turn around to walk myself to Brad.

As I approach him, laughing with his friends, I feel myself getting more and more nervous.

Wow, I must really like him.

I get close enough for him to notice, and see him grin. I almost turn and bolt, but I stop myself, remembering Mia.

"Well, what do we have here?" Brad asks in a cocky tone, his friends chuckling next to him.

"Brad- uh, would you want to hang out sometime?" I ask, looking down at my feet when I finish talking.

His friends unsuccessfully hold in their laughter and Brad looks down at me, "The biggest prude at this school is finally letting me tap that?"

I internally shiver. "I just wanna go out sometime," I insist, wanting nothing but to leave at this point.

"Sure, I'll take you on a couple dates before we," he sticks his finger in and out of an 'o' he made with his hand, "you know."

That familiar fluttery feeling swarms in my stomach as I reply, "mhm," I say shortly.

"Alright, Babygirl, I'll dm you."

I turn and leave, resisting the urge to run, and make my way back to Mia.

"Omg I saw what he did with his hands, you're totally getting that dick girl!" Mia exclaims.

"Yeah!" I say cheerfully, resisting the urge to gag.

Is this really how it feels to like someone? He makes my stomach flutter and I get nervous when I'm near him.

That is what people say they feel.

Mia digs into her food, and I gather a bite of my salad on a fork, looking around the cafeteria. I see Billie, writing in that damn journal again, and my stomach flutters.

What?

I immediately shake my head and turn back to my food.

No.

"So, Mia, now you have to ask out Wyatt," I say, pushing away my thoughts.

She smiles, shaking her head as she looks down, "I will, I promise. I'll do it after school today when we are hanging out with mutual friends."

"Okayyy," I say, grinning.

I can't help but wonder if she wanted to gag right then too.

What if this is just a big conspiracy? What if everyone just hates dating, but they pretend to like it because everyone else is. What if everyone who's ever had sex is lying when they say they like it, so humans can continue to reproduce?

What if that lady who married herself is the first to ever figure it out, and I am the second? What if I told Mia I hate dating too and she sighs in relief? What if I can save the world from suffering in unwanted relationships by just speaking up?