Questioning//BILLIE EILISH

5

I just want her to be my friend.

Mia and I wrap up our conversation and I hook my thumbs in the straps of my backpack, turning to walk back home.

As I walk, I start to feel a buzzing feeling in my stomach, like I feel the nerves bubbling up inside of me and I wanna roll up into a ball to relieve them. I clutch my stomach as I reach my house, having so many nerves fluttering inside of me, and wondering where they could be coming from.

Maybe it's because Brad could DM me a any moment? Yeah! I'm just nervous about that!

I decide on that explanation and open the door into my house. No one is home because my parents work 9-5's and my siblings have sports after school. No one should be home until at least 5, if not later.

I sigh, walking into my room and placing my backpack by the doorway. I used to hate all this alone time after school, but now I kind of enjoy it. My parents always encouraged me to join clubs and sports to get out of the house, but relented after they realized I made friends better on my own.

Sometimes I think I cushion my social life with fake friends out of a fear that those who don't know me will judge me.

That's a thought process for another day.

I soon realize that I didn't give Billie my number, or any other socials, so I have no idea when she will show up. I decide to fix myself up a little after a long day of school, to make sure I look good for Billie.

What any good hostess would do.

I step in front of my mirror and adjust any flyaways in my hair before inspecting my outfit. Kinda plain if you ask me.

I go into my closet and look for some casual dresses, or anything that will make me look nice.

Imagine if Billie came in and told me that I looked cute. I. Would. Die.

As I finish primping my dress, I hear a knock on the door. A zoo of butterflies fly through me as I run to the front of the house, anxious to see Billie.

I slow down as I get closer, not wanting to seem too rushed, and grab the door handle with a shaky hand, unlocking it and hesitantly opening the door.

As my eyes meet Billie's, she smirks and moves her gaze steadily down my body and back up, making me extremely self-conscious, "You look cute."

I completely crumble, no thoughts behind the eyes.

She actually said it. She told me I looked cute.

"Oh, uhh, Thank- thank you," I stutter out, completely unsure of my feelings.

Billie just bites her bottom lip to suppress a smile and walks past me into my house, "Ready to get started?"

I nod and direct her to my bedroom where my backpack sits.

She strolls in, not a care in the world, and looks around my room at all the pink flowers on my walls and glittery pens on my desk. "Such a bottom," she mumbles to herself.

I raise an eyebrow, "What's that?"

Billie turns around to look at me, furrowing her eyebrows in thought, before shaking her head, "Let's just get started. I brought the book." She digs around in her bag and pulls out a pink and orange novel, about an inch thick.

"Thank goodness it's not too long," I state, and Billie chuckles.

"I wouldn't do that to you."

I watch as Billie sits down on my bed, book delicately in hand, and begins to flip through it.

My bed. She's sitting on my bed.

I take a breath to calm myself, "What's the book about?"

Billie looks at me solemnly and pats the spot next to her. I do what she asks and sit down, peering at the pages she seems to be skimming through.

"It's about this girl," she starts. Billie looks at me with soft eyes as she explains, "She's a lesbian. Do you know what that means?"

I look to the ceiling in thought, as I contemplate her words, "Like those porn stars?"

Billie's face drops.

Oh no did I say something wrong? Did I offend her?

Billie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, "No."

"Oh, I am sorry if I offended you," I apologize.

Billie clicks her tongue, shaking her head slightly, "It's okay, you didn't know any better. Please, in the future, do not compare me to a porn star."

My heart drops to my ass, Billie is a lesbian? What does that even mean?

"You're a lesbian?" I ask, wary of my words.

Billie nods, "Yeah, I am."

I wrack my brain for what the hell a lesbian could be other than a porn star, "What exactly is a lesbian?"

Billie takes my hand tenderly and interlocks our fingers. My heart explodes from the action and I feel heat rising to my cheeks.

"A lesbian is someone who is not a man and is only attracted to non-men," Billie explains, "basically, I like girls."

I furrow my eyebrows, "I like girls too, what does that have to do with this?"

Billie sighs, "No, I like girls. I want to date them and kiss them and hold their hands."

I look down at our intertwined fingers, "I'm holding your hand."

She smirks at me, "Yes you are."

I continue to watch our hands, thoughts racing through my head, and I feel Billie squeeze my fingers, sending tingles up my spine.

I immediately drop her hand and gasp, the tingles subsiding as we part.

Embarrassed, I look to Billies amused face and speak, quickly recovering from my action, "We should work on this."

Billie chuckles, "Sure."

I watch as she opens up the book yet again, "This is my favorite chapter. Maybe you should start by reading it. I'll prepare everything else as you do that."

I nod and take the book off of her hands, allowing it to rest in my own. It feels well used and well loved, heavy with importance. I can tell Billie has read this countless times through the wear and tear on the pages and the small notes written in the margins.

"I feel like I'm holding something really special, Billie."

"You are."

A/n:

Hey! I finished a fucking chapter! Y'all, idk where my motivation to write went but it's out the window rn. I'm trying rly hard I swear.

Comments motivate me 😏

Okay anyway. Have a good day! And don't feel bad pressuring me to write istg it helps.