DEAR DIARY : Born is not an option

I LISTEN WHAT I CAN'T HEAR

Hi! I'm Alicia White. I was born 17 years ago.6th July 2004.. What a sad day for my parents ! My mom gambled her life to give birth of a deaf and mute girl. She couldn't even hear the cry of a baby. Why did she try so hard to give birth of a disabled? "DISABLED"!!! It's a great way of how the world calls a person like me. I'm disable to hear the nag of my mom, I'm disable to tell my parents that I love them but I don't think that I'm disable to be loved, I don't think that I'm disable to live like the normals.

4th January 2010,
My first day at the "SPECIAL" kindergarten located next to "NORMAL" kindergarten. I don't know how my parents could be very shameless to send me there everyday meeting their friends sending their kids to the "NORMAL" kindergarten. The aunties hugged my mom everyday, told her to be strong. Yes..The aunties are kind..But , why my mom must be stronger than other moms? Does she live differently, badly, sufferly because her child is a disabled?

6th July 2016,
I turned 12.. But maybe because I am a DISABLED then I can't have a happy birthday.. My dad died. A police officer died during his daugter's birthday. A massive news on the social media. Why did he die? He was saving "ME" from a car that was about to knock me down. WHY?? I hate him. Why he let me keep living in this ocean of suffer? He is a bad father. He is a bad husband. He left his wife with a huge burden.. "ME"!! My mom was crying all the time.. My grandma visited her at house. I was sitting at the corner.. I 've lived as a deaf my entire life and I can read people's words by looking at their mouth.. I was looking at my mom's mouth crying and crying.. But then I read something from her sincere heart. Her mouth moved and as what I could read.. She said "Why I live this way?? Why giving birth is a not an option?? If it was an option.. I'll never choose her!!." My grandma calmed her but she kept crying..
Night came, my mom went into my room and hugged me..She never knew that I knew what she had said. The tighter she hugged, the more tears pouring from my eyes. I couldn't forget her words. I finally knew the disappoinment that she has been carrying her entire life. But ...me too.. I didn't choose to born like this.. People make fun of me..Everyday..everywhere.. My birthday presents are always "ear toys"...WHY? WHY??????

6th July 2021
Today, it is my 17th birthday. This morning, I visited my dad's grave. I can hear him wishing me Happy Birthday. My mom bought me a cake.. A red velvet cake.. My favourite.. I just finished on my mid year examination since it was postponed last month. Every exams, I did well..I scored all As even in my "SPECIAL SUBJECT".. Wish me to score another great result for this exam. I want to make my mom happy. I don't want her to remember her words 5 years ago. I want to live like others too. I have an ambition and dream. I want to be a doctor. But, how will I wear the stethoscope? 😂 I'm curious too.. Wish me luck guys! Bye..That's all that I can write in this episode..next episode will be another person sharing his/her sickness. Why you guys want to read about other people sickness? 😂😂 okok..that's all..bye! 🙋