Her Weakness

Chapter 3

"If you're here to make excuses, you should leave and not waste either of our time." Clarke steps aside and gestures for me to go. But that is not what I am here for.

"There is no excuse for what I did." I say, fighting to not show my weakness.

My hatred for myself, for what I have done. For what I have done to her people and her. How she has made me feel when I thought my heart stopped beating long ago. How it kills me to know that I have put her people's lives in danger. How it kills me to know that, above all else, I have let her down.

Clarke looks at me with that unreadable expression and closes the door behind her.

"Talk," she orders.

"There is nothing I can say that can make this better."

"Damn right. You betrayed me." Sadness flickers across her face briefly, "I trusted you. How could you do that to me? To them? We could have taken the Mountain Men. Then my friends wouldn't be dying while I'm stuck here doing nothing about it!"

"I thought I was doing what was right for my people." I defend my actions automatically. My walls slam up and I try to force them down, knowing being distant won't help. "Like I said, nothing I can say will make this any better. But there is something I can do." A spark of interest lights up her eyes and I almost sigh in relief to see that passionate fire burning again. "I am here to offer my assistance."

"Your help? For what? Getting them back? We tried that, remember, and you betrayed me." The unspoken words that are screamed into the brief silence are breaking my heart. 'How can I trust you again'.

"You have every right not to trust me after that. I will not ask that you do, just that you think with your head, not with your heart when you consider my proposition."

"And what is your proposition?"

She watches me as I respond; paying close attention to my left hand that is near where I keep a sheathed dagger. It is an instinctive habit that I do when I feel scared or threatened. "I want to help get them back. Most of my people still do not like yours, so there will be few volunteers. Though if I tell them I will be there in the inevitable battle, I am sure many would jump at the chance to fight the Mountain Men."

"Why do you want to help?" Clarke looks into my eyes and I almost want to break eye contact. It feels like she is looking into my soul. And I am not sure she will like what she sees.

"Believe it or not, Clarke, I did not like leaving you there. I hate that I doubted us and our plan. They are your people and they are important to you, so of course I will try to help in any way I can."

She studies me for a moment longer and gives me a small smile. I consider this a miracle. My face unfreezes from its normal indifferent expression to give her a smile back.

"So how do we do this, Lexa?"