Her Weakness

Chapter 20

Our "plan" does not go as intended. They suddenly have more patrols and search the nearby areas for us. We decide to continue to watch for another day or two. By we, I mean Octavia. I was and am tempted to just burst into their camp and massacre the bastards, but I know me getting riddled with bullets does not help Clarke.

So we watch. I insist on going in on the second day's night. Octavia reluctantly agrees. I want to get her out there as soon as possible. The first day her bruises become more prominent, easier to see, even from a distance as great as ours. I keep my head. I was not chosen to become Commander because I cannot put my emotions to good use. I use the adrenaline from my loathing to focus.

Their pattern never changes besides the doubling of their patrols. They take her out twice a day for walks and twice for meals. She eats every last revolting drop of the slop they feed her. She does not protest, and seems determined. They take her back and I can hear their fists as they hit her. I have not yet heard even a whimper of pain. She is strong. She never gives us up, never divulges any secrets, she does not tell them anything. She does not speak while they hurt her, not even to ask them to stop.

She acts as though the bruises that paint her skin do not hurt. But I know it does. Her jaw is clenched, always clenched. They see it as defiance; I see it as refusing to show weakness. Every new bruise that shows up is like a dagger to my chest. She is there because of me. I did not protect her as well as I could of.

Clarke can take care of herself, of course. She is tougher than I aim to be. I fear that I am a bad influence. Her love is her strength, what drives her. My love... I hope it is not the weakness my people think it is.

On the last day before our rescue, the pattern changes again. Clarke suddenly stops eating halfway through her meal and stares at the soldier sitting across from her. She and I have both noticed that he is clearly the leader here.

"They're coming for me, you know." She says calmly as though she is talking about the weather.

"Who? Who's coming?" She is quiet for a moment with a small smile playing on her lips. "Damn it, little girl! Tell me!"

I know from experience the hard look in her eyes. The soldier stiffens and looks as though he is trying not squirm in his seat.

"I am no little girl. While my mother is the Chancellor, I am the leader of the people of the Ark. They will not rest until they find me. My people, the Grounders... Lexa. She is probably the most determined of them all to get me back. And the most pissed off by my kidnapping. You have pissed of the Commander. She's probably here right now, listening. How long do you think you have to live?" She leans back in her chair with a smug look on her face.

The soldier barks out orders to search everywhere nearby. It makes me glad that Octavia and I built something to cover us in case of surprise patrols.

He grabs Clarke roughly and I cannot help fantasizing about killing him in many painful, slow ways. He pulls her back into that same house. I can hear muffled yelling as the sun slowly hides behind the enemy's mountain.

A single gunshot goes off in the hut and my blood turns to ice. I hear no cry of pain, no sign that she is alive. My breath is coming in quiet pants and I am certain my eyes betray my feelings. No other soldiers rush in there to see if their commanding officer is okay. They assume as I do; that she is dead.