Hold On

Chapter 36

PLAY SONG THROUGHOUT CHAPTER BUT YOU CAN ALSO PLAY IT WHEN YOU SEE THIS EMOJI (🎶🎶🎶) 

BTW... SHOULD I ENTER THE 2021 WATTYS AWARDS? JUST ASKING, THIS IS MY FIRST BOOK  BUT I HAVE OTHER IDEAS FOR A FEW MORE SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK! 

OKAY, ENJOY THE CHAPTER!

 *************************************************************

Alessia's POV

After we reached the shore, we all walked back to the car, with the exception of both bee and alene since they were both sound asleep. I carried bee, while Alek carried Alene. Once we got into the car slowly everyone began drifting off to sleep. When we got home, everyone gave me and bee a small kiss on the forehead before heading off into their rooms.

Alek walked up to me and gave me a tender kiss on the lips that i wish would have lasted longer, when he leaned back he gave me a small smile," go to bed babe, you need to rest after everything. I'll take bee's room with Alene and you both go to sleep in your bed". I placed my forehead on his and smiled," thank you for understanding". He slowly nudged my head so that I could lift it a bit, his lips kissed my forehead," of course. Take all the time you need to recover, i'll be right here for you". We bid each other goodnight and walked into our rooms. I placed bee on my bed and tucked her in before walking into the bathroom.

Once I took my clothes off, I bit my lip as I saw how bruised my body was, but this time instead of looking away I kept my eyes on my body. I kept on staring, allowing everything to sink in, and instead of being angry at myself. I'm accepting it, these scars, and these bruises. I placed my finger over my skin and gently ran it down every single scar, I've been too busy protecting others that I never once allowed myself to heal. I may have bandaged myself but that was not strong enough for me to mend all the pain and suffering I went through.

After tracing over the scars, my eyes moved up to look at myself through the mirror. I lifted my hand and placed it on top of the surface, as if caressing my cheek. I let out a sigh, while silently looking at myself.

🎶🎶🎶

I could still feel it, even though he's dead I can still feel a dark presence lurking in the darkness, waiting to pounce but this darkness isn't seth. No.. this darkness is me. It's my inability to finally let go, to finally be able to look at myself as a survivor instead of someone weak who was unable to protect her own body. I need to forgive myself, not for the sixteen year old me but for the little girl who is still crying alone at night, blaming herself for not knowing how to say no or fight back. The little girl, despite everything she went through, and how hard she trained, is still broken and is still in pain. I was unable to save her but the least i can do is give her closure, give myself something to step on so that i can keep walking forward, so that i can finally begin my path towards this bright future that awaits me with people who love me.

I placed both my hands on the mirror, leaning on it, I faced down towards the sink and let all the tears flow down my face. Finally allowing everything out, the pain breaking free from my heart, the chains that I had wrapped around it were finally off. I lifted my head once more, letting the pain be replaced with anger.

'You're not dirty' I let out a deep sigh, shaking my head, then I finally found my voice. 

"You're not cold...

You're not ugly", my whisper began to turn into a harsh tone.

"You're not disgusting!" My reflection soon turned into the little girl who always believed she was worthless, the little girl who was always bringing herself down, tearing herself into pieces.